For many years since my son was born I have known that something hasn’t been right. The labels that various professionals have attempted to apply have never really stuck well. At first they’ve seemed a perfect fit, but eventually they start to peel and fall away, much like the old and drying leaves on the streets below my feet. Those leaves are quickly forgotten, trodden under foot without a second thought, swept into the gutters of life and disregarded with the arrogance of knowing they’ll be back soon. And, just like the leaves, the labels always return. Attempt to stick again. But post natal depression has never sat well with me. I
always assumed it was because I didn’t want to accept that I was depressed. That my own preconceptions of a depressed person were all wrong and that maybe I was truly depressed because I couldn’t even see it myself. And, after all, who was I to argue with Mother Nature? This was me. The way I was made. A chemical imbalance and that was that. The leaves were always there, little buds ready to grow, and all that I needed to do was provide the sunshine and water.
Just, no. I am finally able to stand up to the professionals who misdiagnosed me. And it’s not their fault. Earlier this month I shared my story at the second annual Birth Trauma Study day, and I learned there that GPs just aren’t given any training on how to deal with birth trauma, and the common after effects of PTSD. Because that’s what I have. What I’ve been experiencing all these years. Not post natal depression. I’m not depressed. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (more…)
We were recently sent some delicious festive treats from Hotel Chocolat- definitely one of our highlights of Christmas this year so far! Not only was it really hard to choose between delights such as the Truffle Tree, the Festive Wreath and the super cute Penguin Selfie… In the end though, we went for the beautiful Yule Log and the delightfully cute Christmas Pocket Selection and guess what? You could win exactly the same, just in time for Christmas!
More about the Yule Log, from Hotel Chocolat themselves:
Traditionally, the Yule Log is brought in from the cold and immediately burnt on the hearth. Instead we brought our elm branch in, put it through a 3D scanner and made our festive buche, which we finished with white chocolate for a finish of fresh snow. 50% milk chocolate praline with hazelnuts and crisped rice, it’s sliceably soft for that effortless carving-the-log moment, and serves 14. Just add friends, family and fireplace!
Now tell me you’re not tempted! And what better stocking filler for yourself, than the beautifully packaged Christmas Pocket Selection? You can’t go wrong with Hotel Chocolat in my opinion, so without further ado here’s what you need to do to be in with a chance of winning:
Simply fill in your details on the form below, and don’t forget to leave a comment telling me what you’re hoping to find under the Christmas tree for YOU this year. This is a really quick giveaway because I want you to get your goodies in time for the big day, so it’s going to end midnight Monday 19th December. Terms and conditions on the form- good luck!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
We’re so proud to be part of the #FrugiFamily!
This year’s Christmas project is a little different because we were recently sent some mystery items to try out, and we also have a super giveaway for you too! So without further ado, I’d like to wish you a very merry Frugi Christmas!
Our items arrived in one of Frugi’s new- and very beautiful- Christmas gift bags. All tied up with a big red ribbon, the bags are made from thick card and are sturdy enough to survive the Christmas post, plus they look gorgeous under the tree too.
On Saturday I attended the Maternal Mental Health event at the Cumbria Infirmary, hosted by the Happy Mums Foundation and the World Health Innovation Summit (WHIS). I was invited to speak about my experiences so that I might be able to help the professionals understand what a traumatic pregnancy and birth can be like for women. So that they might better understand the things that they can do to help. So that other women like me might not fall through the cracks for so long.
It is always hard to speak about what happened with my son’s birth. And last week was a big week for me because I finally had my debrief, and I also had my second CBT counselling session. And then there was the PTSD diagnosis.
I’d like to say that seeing those four letters on the page came as no shock (hadn’t I always known that I wasn’t depressed? Hadn’t I aways known that there was something more, likely to be PTSD?) but actually I’ve really struggled with knowing that someone else agrees with me at last. Someone else, who is professionally qualified to do so, is taking control of my care now. It feels strange. To hear her tell me she will never ask me to fill in a PND questionnaire. To hear her tell me I have been traumatised. To hear her tell me she believes me, she is sorry for what has happened, and she intends to help. It’s all so new for me, and the effects of it are still coursing their way through my life right now.
I was in two minds about Saturday. I was scared. Not of speaking, but of getting there. Making my way to the train station, sitting on a train, finding the venue. Even knowing that Jenny would be there at the station in Carlisle was very little comfort, and this is a perfect example of just how far reaching my birth trauma has been. The thought of travelling alone to Carlisle was terrifying and had it not been for Jenny I would not have gone at all. (more…)