CBT is hard. I started this course of treatment before Christmas, and I intended to update this blog, and Maternity Matters, regularly with my progress. I wanted to show others what it was like, so that maybe I could help someone else along in their journey. But it’s hard. It’s really hard. Most days I don’t want to talk about it, let alone write it all down. I’ve told people snippets of what is happening, but I cannot fathom the energy to lay it all bare. I cannot allow the prickles to seep into everything right now. It’s easier to leave it all in that little room once a week, and it will probably stay there for a long time. Because right now I don’t feel strong enough at all.
I had a post in my head a few weeks ago,entitled Happy. I was in the middle of a ‘high turn’ and things were bright, happy and calm. I was spending delicious days with Elsie, really spending time with her and loving every minute. I was thankful for people around me, and I was loving being busy with work, stimulated with the team I work with and positive about life ahead of me. I knew. I knew it wouldn’t last. It never does. It always comes to an end, I just didn’t realise it would be so abrupt. (more…)
Back in October Bella and I were invited to go and see Disney’s Frozen on ice show in Manchester and it really couldn’t have been more of an exciting opportunity! Bella has been a huge Queen Elsa fan for as long as we both can remember; one of the first songs she learned to sing was ‘Do you Wanna Build a Snowman’ and since the song was released we’ve barely stopped playing both the DVD and the CD. It can get a little much sometimes, but I have to tell you that she’s not the only one more than a little bit in love with the film! Along with attending the amazing show, we were also asked to take a look at Disney’s Fit to Dance resources designed to help bring the fun to life, and to encourage kids to get active and start moving at home and school. This is our Fit to Dance with Disney story!
First of all, I need to let you know just how exciting this opportunity has been. This is Bella’s face when we first arrived at Disneyland in Paris last Christmas. As we walked through the gates, from her vantage position on Daddy’s shoulders, Bella immediately spotted Anna and Elsa in their ice carriage and she was. blown. away. I mean, look at that face!
For many years since my son was born I have known that something hasn’t been right. The labels that various professionals have attempted to apply have never really stuck well. At first they’ve seemed a perfect fit, but eventually they start to peel and fall away, much like the old and drying leaves on the streets below my feet. Those leaves are quickly forgotten, trodden under foot without a second thought, swept into the gutters of life and disregarded with the arrogance of knowing they’ll be back soon. And, just like the leaves, the labels always return. Attempt to stick again. But post natal depression has never sat well with me. I
always assumed it was because I didn’t want to accept that I was depressed. That my own preconceptions of a depressed person were all wrong and that maybe I was truly depressed because I couldn’t even see it myself. And, after all, who was I to argue with Mother Nature? This was me. The way I was made. A chemical imbalance and that was that. The leaves were always there, little buds ready to grow, and all that I needed to do was provide the sunshine and water.
Just, no. I am finally able to stand up to the professionals who misdiagnosed me. And it’s not their fault. Earlier this month I shared my story at the second annual Birth Trauma Study day, and I learned there that GPs just aren’t given any training on how to deal with birth trauma, and the common after effects of PTSD. Because that’s what I have. What I’ve been experiencing all these years. Not post natal depression. I’m not depressed. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (more…)
We were recently sent some delicious festive treats from Hotel Chocolat- definitely one of our highlights of Christmas this year so far! Not only was it really hard to choose between delights such as the Truffle Tree, the Festive Wreath and the super cute Penguin Selfie… In the end though, we went for the beautiful Yule Log and the delightfully cute Christmas Pocket Selection and guess what? You could win exactly the same, just in time for Christmas!
More about the Yule Log, from Hotel Chocolat themselves:
Traditionally, the Yule Log is brought in from the cold and immediately burnt on the hearth. Instead we brought our elm branch in, put it through a 3D scanner and made our festive buche, which we finished with white chocolate for a finish of fresh snow. 50% milk chocolate praline with hazelnuts and crisped rice, it’s sliceably soft for that effortless carving-the-log moment, and serves 14. Just add friends, family and fireplace!
Now tell me you’re not tempted! And what better stocking filler for yourself, than the beautifully packaged Christmas Pocket Selection? You can’t go wrong with Hotel Chocolat in my opinion, so without further ado here’s what you need to do to be in with a chance of winning:
Simply fill in your details on the form below, and don’t forget to leave a comment telling me what you’re hoping to find under the Christmas tree for YOU this year. This is a really quick giveaway because I want you to get your goodies in time for the big day, so it’s going to end midnight Monday 19th December. Terms and conditions on the form- good luck!
a Rafflecopter giveaway