How to be an embarrassing dad

A guest post from Ghostwriterdaddy. Yes, really. For more charm and wit you can find him on Twitter as @RemeEspectro

I have been asked to write a post about being an embarrassing dad. I have no idea at all about how to do this of course, as I am a cool cool cat, and so instead I will offer all dads less fortunate than myself some tips in how to avoid being, like, totally embarrassing.

 1. Use their language

There’s nothing worse than a dad who cant use the parlance of the times. That’s wack. In fact, its wiggedy wiggedy wack. However, language changes very quickly and so try your best to keep up. Eavesdropping can help, and then causally drop words into any conversation, ideally whilst with your children and their friends as this shows how dope and sick you are (see what I did there?). Try the following if you’re struggling to get started:

  • “Did anyone see [insert popular tv show title here] last night? That was like totally, like, crazy and junk.”
  • “What music do you kids like? That’s wack/sick!” [remove as appropriate although always try and "like" your kids' music tastes to stay ultra hip.]
  • “Did anyone see that thing on Youtube (no need to be specific here, this is a good cover all question). That was totally mega-LOL!”
  • “;-)”

If in doubt, do a rap. All kids love a rap (and most parents too).

 

“what are you dancing to, dad?”, “just the beat of my own awesomeness, son”

“what are you dancing to, dad?”, “just the beat of my own awesomeness, son”

2. Dancing like Jagger

  • Dad dancing gets a bad rep, but this just means either (a) you haven’t had enough practice or (b) you’re not trying hard/fast/often enough. Dance where you can when you can as practice makes perfect. Try the following if you’re stuck for ideas:
  • Dropping kids off at a school disco? Take the opportunity to dance to the first song.
  • Kid’s birthday party? Everyone likes to see grown ups dancing to the Cha Cha Slide.
  • Bored at the bus stop? Get your groove on!
  • Meeting parents of your children’s friends for the first time? Break the ice by asking the nearest parent for a throw down, then immediately do a robot and dive into the caterpillar.

Dancing is a sign that you are happy and content with life and that nothing can stand in your way when you feel the groove, and that is very VERY cool.

3. Dress well

Capturing the dad-look perfectly – calm yourselves, ladies

Capturing the dad-look perfectly – calm yourselves, ladies

Always try and set the trends, don’t follow them. I mean look at this magnificent bastard, look at how well I dress.

The tip here is to not be afraid to break new ground when it comes to combinations of clothes. Try the following combos when you next have a social engagement:

  • Jogging pants, checked shirt and cardigan.
  • Shorts, odd socks and vest-over-pyjama top
  • Crop top, farah slacks, socks and sandals
  • A Father Christmas outfit. In June.

These are of course examples. I’m not giving you my actual style collection because, you know, get your own.

 4. Be the funnyman

Everyone likes a good joke, and nothing is cooler or more endearing than cracking jokes. The simple rule is the more the better, and no situation is exempt nor inappropriate.

  • Weddings=funny.
  • Parents evening=hilarious.
  • Funerals=laughriot.

Try to be funny all the time, and remember that this doesn’t just mean jokes. Funny faces, practical jokes and crippling sarcasm are all valid forms of being the funny dad, and remember the golden rule: always be your own best audience by laughing at your own jokes.

Bible

Bible

 5. Give advice

Now you’re a dad, feel free to give advice in any situation. If you don’t actually know the subject matter, give advice anyway. You’re a dad – you’ve earnt that shit.

Sometimes people act like they don’t want your advice, but that just means you haven’t given ENOUGH advice. In particular, always always ALWAYS give advice about the following:

  • Car insurance: saved £30 by switching insurance? Then everyone needs to know about that. Dammit, it’s your civic duty to explain in detail, at length, and more than once, how and when you managed to bag this life-changing deal.
  • Travel: someone going somewhere you’ve visited once? Then they need your input. Tell them about the best route, best restaurants and best places to park. Everyone loves hearing about where to go and where to avoid eating lest they get the “threpenny bits”.
  • Computers: Now that you are the dad, this instantly promotes you to being the expert in anything digital. It is entirely appropriate for you to try and fix anything electronic. Even if it’s not broken, have a go at reprogramming anything in yours, or anyone else’s, homes, thus proving your technological superiority.
  • Just try and remember the all important golden rule: if you don’t actually know any advice, then make it up so you can become known as the knowledgeable dad and this will ensure all your new dad friends will call on you the minute they need help with something (which is really rare apparently).

 So there you have it. Follow the above tips and like me you’ll be regarded by your children as the coolest dad alive, and the envy of all your other dad friends.

What matters most: is your child’s drawing a winner?

John Lewis have recently launched a super competition for all budding Picassos out there, and there are only a few days left to enter! Your little ones have until Thursday 24th April to get their works of art entered into the competition, full details of which can be found here.

The theme of the competition is ‘What matters most’ and all your child needs to do is to draw a picture about the things that matter most to them. 4 lucky winners will then see their artwork transformed into a cool piece of art by professional artist, Emily Woodard. Both the original and illustrators impression will then be framed alongside each other as the prize!

To enter, take a photo of your child’s picture and upload it onto the John Lewis site. Simple! You have until 10 am on the 24th so hurry, hurry, hurry!
If you’d like to know more about Emily Woodard and how she creates stunning artwork from original children’s designs, take a look at this super video:

Lastly, terms and conditions can be found here. Good luck!

The Preschooler is going to school

I can hardly believe the title of this post, but its true. And we knew it was coming. The email. The letter. The combination of exhilarated versus devastated Facebook status updates. The cold, hard truth- The Preschooler is going to school.

Our application was a little fraught a few months back, if I’m honest. And yes, I do feel guilty about the fact we both felt The Big One’s school was not good enough for The Preschooler. That we didn’t think hard enough about where she would go to school. We simply believed our choice was right. And for the whole of infants, it was. It was open plan, 100% child led and play based learning. She thrived, as her brother would too. But having infants and junior on a separate site with different teachers, different head teacher, different policies and even different rules… it just doesn’t work for us. The Big One is, luckily, very calm and easy-going and is doing really well. The faults with the school are placed heavily on our shoulders, not hers. But The Preschooler would not, we believe, flourish there.

The Preschooler is going to school~ ghostwritermummy.co.uk

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