Through the bars of the cot

We haven’t had the best weekend, it’s fair to say. The baby started vomiting Thursday night and spent the whole of Friday night sleeping for about twenty minutes before waking in pain. I lost count of how many times I scooped him up to calm him down… somewhere around twenty-seven, I think. He eventually fell asleep around 3.30 am and woke at 7. It didn’t click then. He started vomiting again on Saturday night and woke at 10.30, again screaming in pain. It still didn’t click.

This is where the NHS failed my baby once more. I called NHS Direct at 11pm and was told that a nurse would call me back within SIX hours but that I should call if he didn’t settle and was still crying. I gave it two hours (of pacing, crying, pacing, crying) before I called back and was put through to a nurse. The nurse told me that an out of hours doctor would call me back, which he did. The GP informed me- I would say politely, but that would not be true- that he was not a peadiactrics doctor, he could not prescribe anything for a baby and that the only advice he could give was to take the baby to the hospital. In my heart of hearts, I didn’t think he needed the hospital (it still didn’t click) but I felt too afraid not to. At 2am, alone and exhausted, it felt wrong to ignore a doctor’s advice.

The drive calmed him down and by the time we entered the land of late-night ghosts, he had stopped crying and was just staring at me, pale, red-eyed and confused. We sat amongst the accident prone and the unfortunate and we waited. The nurse that saw us was most displeased that we had inconvenienced her by arriving in A&E. We shouldn’t have allowed the GP to send us here, the raging temperature had gone down and I was clearly a terrible mother for bringing the baby out in the middle of the night. My punishment would be a four hour wait or to go home with no examination for the baby. I looked at him. And THEN it clicked.

We’ve been here so many times before. We thought we’d passed the pain and the screaming and the vomiting. We thought we were ready to wean the medication. It seems the Reflux had other ideas, still wanted my baby as its play-thing for a little longer.

It seems the tummy bug has set irritated his oesophagus and set the flame a-fire again. We’d only dropped one dose of his meds but it had been a week and so the levels in his body were too low to fight the pain. Of course, I’m only guessing at this, since I left the hospital and decided to battle this out on my own again. The signs are all there- I know I’m right.

Image source:zooomr.com

Tonight, my baby has eaten little and refused his bottle. He has been too scared to go to sleep and just when I began to feel that I would not be able to get through tonight with yet more broken sleep, screaming and pacing the floors… I sat down beside his cot. At first, I was defeated. I actually thought, I’m not good enough to do this. Then he looked at me, sadly, and reached out. He tugged at my sleeve and put his head to his sheets. I put my fingers through the bars of the cot and he held on to me tightly. He finally fell asleep. After three days of screaming and writhing and kicking and arching and wailing and whimpering and pain… he fell asleep holding my hand. Through the bars of the cot.

22 thoughts on “Through the bars of the cot

  1. Oh my goodness you nearly had me in tears with that post! You poor poor thing – and poor little man, but this makes me worry about you! If you fancy a baby sitter in the next couple of days so you can get your head down for a bit LET ME KNOW! X

  2. Nearly had me in tears too, your poor little one and poor you too :( I don’t know who some nurses think they are, I know they are understaffed and overstretched but you would think they’d be happy to check a baby over just to be sure! Hope you both get some sleep tonight, sending hugs xxx

  3. Oh sweetheart, you are good enough to do this, you are the only one who is capable of doing it. You are fighting to do the best that you possibly can for your baby boy and are being given no support. I would take him to the doctors tomorrow and demand some form of referral or help. I suffer from gastric reflux and it is excrutiating and temporarily debilitating, poor little sausage. Keep his meds up for the meantime chick.

    And you definitely had me in tears, because I’ve been there with The Boy.

  4. Oh bless you hun you both sound like youve had a rough time of it. My Youngling (2yr old son) has had a terrible sickness bug and his immune system and routine etc. are shot to pieces at the moment. As we speak he is sitting up with me (yes I know its 10:30) he hasnt been vomiting today (thankfully) but he was yesterday and the day before. He doesnt know what to do with himself and its distressing tow atch and go through as a mother you wish you can heal them with a click of your fingers. Unfortunately that isnt always the case. My son had terrible Colic as a baby-baby which can flare up when having a tantrum etc. Take care hin thinking of you xx

  5. Oh poor thing, that sounds so awful. I hope he is ok and that you are getting some rest now. My little one has mild reflux and even that is so horrible, i can’t even imagine what you both must be going through. Hugs for both of you.

  6. How awful and how disgraceful to have been treated so appallingly. Six hours? And that’s supposed to be an emergency service? It beggars belief, it really does.

    You wrote this so well and the image of baby’s hand through the cot is simply pulling on heartstrings. Take care and get some rest.

    CJ xx

  7. Oh hun I’m so sorry you had to go through this again! Beautiful post that had my stomach in knots and tears in my eyes. Great photo choice too *sniff*. Fingers crossed he gets over the tummy bug soon and the reflux goes away x

  8. I am so sorry for your pain and the suffering your little man is going through. I am also very angry about the way you were treated by the Nhs. Anytime you are worried about your child take him to a and e, it’s your right. We have been key down so often by Nhs ‘misdirect’ and gps who as he admitted, know little about children that when they are ill or you don’t know what’s wrong, a and e is best. That nurse should not have made you feel bad. You should write a complaint about her. Always go wirh tour gut and ignore advice from the meds which goes against it. Hope things improve and soon. Very moving post.

  9. I’m so so sorry to hear about your experience. We have had very similar experiences when Georgia was little and very very prone to bronciolitis.
    As TheBoyandMe suggests, I hope you have managed to see a doctor at your local GP.
    It certainly is not right that a little baby should be in so much agony without help! As Mum, you do know what is best and don’t let the medics fob you off – being recalcitrant and stubborn actually works, sometimes!
    I hope the baby is better soon.
    *HUGS*

  10. Poor little man. There’s nothing I can say that will make any of this any better, but just know that I’m here if you need a chat, and I’ll be sending out all sorts of virtual hugs and healing thoughts for you both xxx

  11. thank you for sharing this and I’m crying into my dinner! I have one word : BOOK. your resilience is astounding and I’m positive you have a voice to speak for many. love to you and L xxx

  12. Bless both your hearts. I hope little one is feeling better. I feel your pain, I have just dropped Belles Gaviscon from her bottles, which she’s had since she was 6 weeks old (now nearly 9 months), I have my fingers crossed. Sending hugs xx

  13. Pingback: Sleep and how it lifts your mood « ghostwritermummy

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