We’ve come to the conclusion that the big one is abnormal in some ways. Stay with me here, you’ll agree when I explain. She is almost seven and we are still waiting for her first tantrum. Unless you count the one incident we had in Asda when she was about two. It consisted of her saying “NO!” and lying on the floor for about three seconds, while we stepped over her to continue perusing the baked beans. Seeing it wasn’t getting her anywhere, she jumped up and carried on being her usual cheeky, happy self. She’s never tried it again. Now, that’s abnormal, right?

The reason I tell you this is because the toddler has begun having tantrums at an alarming rate. He now likes to wake at around 5.30am to start the day with a good ole’ screaming fest fit for a King. We’ve taken to calling him Captain Awkwardo (said in a naff Spanish accent) and to be honest, we’re a little unsure about our ignorng method. It doesn’t seem to work the same. I once caught my husband, over the monitor, telling him he was being ridiculous- he was only a few weeks old!

So we know that ignoring him rarely works well- although sometimes it can be effective- and appealing to his reasonable side can be hit and miss too. In fact, I hardly dare to tell you the method we found that works perfectly, once all vestiges of humour have been spent. It’s, um… well, sort of… OK, OK, OK! We give in, alright? It works at 5.30 am, dammit. I know that in the long run, it will stop working and blah blah blah but you try telling an enraged toddler that Mickey Mouse is all gone at 5.30 am. I promise you, it isn’t pretty. Especially when everyone else starts to wake up too. And anyway, even if you did get to go back to bed, you can’t sleep after copping such an earful and so you really may as well get up and start your day with the hot dog dance.

Seriously though, the tantrums are getting a little tiresome. I try to keep calm and to remember that he is jsut testing the boundaries and that I- yes, me- am the boss. But sometimes, he wins. He’s even taken to clenching his fists in a rather comical manner and growls like he is going to explode. Meanwhile the big one sits serenely, polishing her halo…

I feel I ought to counter balance this post with a rather cute tale from the toddler archive. In our family, one of our most favourite, recently discovered jokes is this:

Knock knock

Who’s there?

The Interrupting Cow

The Interrupting C-


To cheer us all up after his ourbursts, the toddler now knocks on every available surface, shouting “Knock knock MOO!!!”

It’s lovely. And it does kind of make up for the tantrums…