It was like screaming into an abyss. It was like breathing deep into my lungs and clawing up the loudest, longest, most primal scream known to man. It was like doing all that, with the volume on mute. They couldn’t hear me. They weren’t listening to me.
I read something recently which pointed out the fact that women felt 100% more empowered during childbirth if they felt they were being listened to. If someone had spent the time to sit down and listen. Not just nod and say uh-huh, uh-huh…
Listen to me. Hear me when I say I am scared. Do something when my wishes are being ignored or my body is being violated. Help me.
I listened. I heard them when they said childbirth was unpredictable, that nobody knew this would happen. I listened and I accept this. But I was still screaming in silence.
I wonder if anybody actually sat down afterwards to discuss what had happened? Did they listen to each other? Did they read back their notes and wonder if there was anything they could’ve done differently? Did they wish they had been somewhere else? In a room with a lady who knew what she was doing and a baby who wasn’t struggling and a team who were listening? Did they wish they had been on a different shift? One that didn’t have a lifeless body and a screaming void filled with fear?
Is anybody listening?