I am writing to let you know I read all about your wonderful speech today. You know, the one where you attacked so called ‘Yummy Mummies’ and generally simplified the struggles that some mums are facing at the moment. Nice one.
Perhaps I should tell you a little about myself.
I have always worked. From paper-rounds to babysitting to waitressing to bar work to office work and finally to teaching. I have paid National Insurance since I was able to do so and I have, of course, paid taxes since I have been required to do so. In 2004 I became a mother. After maternity leave, I returned to work full time and then started teacher training. In 2009 I had my second child and returned to work part time due to many reasons. In 2012 I had my third child and today I am…well, in your words, perhaps I am on my way to becoming a ‘Yummy Mummy’?
Yummy is the furthest thing from my mind, actually, as I struggle to decide on what is the best for my family. I would LOVE to return to work and continue to pay my way but guess what? It isn’t always that easy for some of us. My husband earns well but unfortunately other bills mean that childcare costs have to factor into my return to work plans. That means I need part time work as having two children in full time childcare is too expensive. That also means that I cannot return to work until January because my baby can’t get a nursery place until then and my son will get his funded places then too. Only then can we afford to have two in nursery, but only on a part time basis.
There are other complications, too. Taking three months unpaid does not suit the household finances very well. In addition the school where I teach may not be able to accommodate a part time teacher as it may not be in the school’s best interests. I may have to think about giving up work for a while.
Does this make me a ‘Yummy Mummy’?
Does this mean that I am now “ lacking professional ambition, focussing on [my] partner’s career instead of [my] own”?
Should I really feel guilty about things beyond my own control?
Suppose, for a moment, that I am not facing logistical problems with returning to work and I have simply decided that I want to stay at home and raise my children. Isn’t that my choice? How dare you criticise me for that? How dare you dismiss me as someone unable to survive by myself, without a rich husband? How dare you tell me that “Mothers who go out to work are setting a better example for their children” when actually (besides the fact I WANT to work) it is none of your business what I choose to do or how I choose to bring up my children?
Raising children is a lifetime commitment and one that I personally take very seriously. I will do what I can to ensure I spend as much time as possible with my children and if that means taking time out from work, then that is what I will do. I envy mothers who are able to do that. Yes, I want to be self sufficient and I want to be able to survive on my own if I have to but I also refuse to live my life as though that will one day happen.
For the record, I would much rather spend my days sticking, cutting, baking, splashing in puddles and reading stories NOW. If that means I don’t have lots of spare change sitting in the bank when I retire, then so be it. The memories I will have are worth so much more than that.
Regards
Ghostwritermummy
ps. How about we, as women, support each other for a change? It’s much nicer than attacking each other, don’t you think?
Childcare should be 100% tax deductable – it’s bullshit that it isn’t.
Out of interest in this post are you attacking Cherie Blair? I happen to agree with her.
But I also think that everyone should read this book:
When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present
http://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Everything-Changed-Amazing-American/dp/0316014044/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1340199861&sr=1-1
We do have a choice and all have to live with the consequences of our choices.
There are many childcare options which provide different childcare solutions. Sounds to me like you don’t really want to work, which is your choice. If you did want to work and preserve your career you would make different choices and perhaps your husband would make different choices too so that you could both have a career. What about your pension? Do you have a pension? What about if your marriage fails? How prepared are you for these eventualites and others. There is so much to consider.
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Hi, thanks for your comments
I guess I am counter-attacking Cherie Blair because I don’t think things are always as easy as she makes out. And yes, I do know that there are lots of options available to me and thats why it is taking so long to decide what to do. I do actually want to work- I worked hard to get where I am and I don’t want to turn my back on that- but my kids and making sure they are ok comes first. My husband feels the same and has turned down jobs that haven’t suited the family so it works both ways. Incidentally, nursery is our only option and I will do all I can to keep my kids there and me in a job. I hate that Cherie Blair assumes I just want to stay at home as a kept woman!
XxX
I think the question that we need to focus on is not Cherie Blair and how the misogynistic media pitch women against each other but why isn’t childcare more affordable! Women need to work for a gazillion reasons and that is the essence of her speech. The rest is just media trickery.
Good quality, reasonably priced childcare is a must for all. Childcare should be tax deductable and we, the people, should demand the Govt make it so. Don’t be angry at Cherie Blair be angry because you want to work and there isn’t a cost effective childcare solution that enables you to do so.
A Modern Military Mother recently posted..Watch Again – AMMMTV – Three More Opportunities To See – Sky Channel 200
“Even good men could have an accident or die and you’re left holding the baby,” Ok – but what about women who are in a partnership with children but are higher earners? Is Chezza aware that it IS actually possible for a woman to die too? Maybe we should only parent children with partners who earn the exact same amount as us? I am I working Mum. I could be self sufficiant – but I think Ms B has actuall just set the feminist movement back a few steps with that bilge of a speech. She could have made it about what really matters – and has quite rightly been pointed out in the other comments – and that’s the cost of childcare being a farce. Instead, she’s just made a whole lot of good parents feel crap – and the type of “yummy mummy” that she was probably refering too – won’t give a rats ass what she says anyway. A wasted opportunity t make a difference about what really matters Cherie, and a great post by Ghostwritermummy.
Thanks Minty, I agree. Until it is actually completely impossible for me to return to work, I too am a working mum. I know of mums who are the main earners-my own mum being the first that springs to mind. My step dad took years off work when he was made redundant and he took care of the baby. It isn’t just women who stay at home. And aren’t parents allowed to do so if they wish. I have an education and a career, which I will put on hold if i can but if I need to, I can support my family just fine. Grr!!
XxX
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