I woke up this morning and I thought to myself I can’t believe that today is really here. How can it really be the day that Jennie has to say a final goodbye to her precious baby daughter? How can my daughter be sleeping soundly in her cot, while Jennie’s is not? How can this be? But it was.
Heather and I have supported each other today. As our knees were knocking and our sobs were escaping, we have held hands. I found so much comfort in her being with me, beside me. I found so much comfort in many things today.
The canvas print of Matilda Mae standing at the front of the church.
The sea of pink and purple in the church.
The fact that my hands were held by Monika and Heather as we stood, and Jennie and David brought their daughter into the church.
And when it was time to read, and we couldn’t hide from the enormity of it anymore, I took a deep breath. I remembered that anything I had to do today was nowhere near as bad as anything that Jennie has to do from now on. I’ll admit now that I put my teacher head on. I imagined those people were children. We were in assembly and I was reading. No big deal. And I read. I read Merry’s words.
I’d planned not to look at Jennie as I read. In fact, Heather and I had both decided that if we looked at her, we would not be able to read. In the end, I had to. As Heather read, I looked at Jennie and I saw her smile. I saw her nod in agreement to Heather’s words. I saw her love. And that is what got me through it. The smile on Jennie’s face as she remembered her beautiful daughter.
Today I have been in the presence of love. I was dreading today. Heather and I wanted to run away. I broke down when I saw the church. I sobbed as I saw the little table I knew they would place the coffin on. I could not control my sobbing as David carried Matilda Mae from the church. I was held, as we are holding Jennie, by members of our online community. And the love I have felt today has come both from within the church, and beyond it. For all who tweeted and all who texted me today. Thank you.
As we were saying goodbye, Jennie told us to hold out little ones tightly tonight and I told her that we always will. And then we cried. And let me tell you, she is one amazing woman. For all that she has been through, Jennie has never once asked why her? She has always remained dignified and she has shown me today just how much love she has in her heart. I am truly honored to have been part of today.
Rest in peace baby Tilda.xxxxx
I am adding this post to The Boy and Me’s linky.
Beautiful post Susanna, thank you for going today and representing our community. I know it can’t have been easy for you but, as you say, nothing compared to what Jennie is going through xx
Thank you so much xxxx
This post is truly beautiful, Susanne. Thank you once again for being there with me. For getting me through it. For the love and strength you showed me. Just for being you. The love in that church today was just incredible and even though it was so terribly sad it was amazingly beautiful – just like Jennie and Matilda Mae xxx
Now I’m crying again! I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you Heather so thank YOU. See you soon xxxxx
So moving and sad-devastatingly sad. So glad though that Heather and you could be there to hold up Jennie, she has been incredible through it all, so strong. Love to all of you and RIP to beautiful Matilda Mae, you will live on in our hearts forever xxx
Thank you for your lovely comment. Massive hugs to you
xxx
A beautiful post and it must have been very emotional. Everyone’s thoughts have been on MM since it happened
It was. Very, very emotional
xx
such an amazing post. I have sat in tears reading. Well done for getting through the reading
Thank you. It was Jennie that got us through it in the end
xx
Beautiful sentiments Susanna, well done.
Thank you!
xx
what an honour to attend and read out a tribute to such a special little girl. jennie is such an amazing woman and mother. amazing.
i feel bad because i had a crap week last week being ill with the flu and not being able to to very much, but then i remembered Jennie and her family and thought that actually it was ok really xx
It was an honour. And yes, she really is amazing
xx
Well done for finding the strength to do the reading. A beautiful post. Xxx
Thank you xxx
A truly beautiful post and tribute to an amazing woman who has shown such dignity. I’d have put my teacher head on as well.
Thanks for linking this up
Thank you xxx
Beautiful post
This is such an amazing thing that you did. It is always hard at funerals but for someone like Matilda Mae it must have been so so tough. I think you did Jennie and the entire blogging community really proud and that kind of thing takes a special kind of person.
Thank you. It was one of the most bittersweet things i have ever been part of. To be in a room filled with such love for such an amazing family… but such a sad occasion. Matilda Mae will stay with me forever.
xxx