Back in December, the baby started to sleep through the night. It was strange. One night, she just decided that she was over getting up in the night, that her own cot was a better place to sleep. I won’t lie. the first few nights were hard. It was odd not to have her beside me, snuggling up and snoozing by my side. I missed her. But she was growing in independence. She was sleeping well and I had to accept that. Our co-sleeping days were over.
Recently though we’ve needed each other a little more. I don’t know if she has sensed something, but she has started to really hug me. I mean properly lean out to me and when I hold her, she has been lovingly resting her head on my shoulder. And clasping her arms around me as far as they can stretch. She has also been waking in the night.
This has had a mixed reaction to be honest. It’s surprising how quickly you get used to more than two hours of sleep in a row. And how hard it is to be up in the night. We started off coming downstairs for a quick feed and then… then I remembered why we started co-sleeping in the first place.
When the pre-schooler was born, co-sleeping was never on the table. Besides the fact he had such terrible reflux that lying flat in any bed was torture for him, I just didn’t want to do it. Not at first. We struggled to bond. There were times when I wanted to run away. There were nights where I didn’t even sleep. Instead I would sit on the landing outside his room, waiting. Waiting for him to wake. Listening to his wheezing breaths and wishing that things were different. Other nights I would be pinned to the sofa for hours while he comfort fed. It was horrible.
So there was no way I was doing the same with his baby sister. I wanted to be close to her in a way I never was with him. So we co-slept. And we are co-sleeping again now. And it is right for us. We are doing it safely. We are happy.