I’m asked this question fairly frequently, and my answer is always the same as my tagline. It’s an online diary of sorts. I needed a space to clear my head. A space to pour out the anger and the hurt and the torment that surrounded my son’s birth. Because no matter how I tried, the only person I could speak to about it was my husband. He was the only person I knew who understood and who knew what to say to me. Nobody else could say the right things. I started my blog because I needed to say so much more than I could say to my husband because there came a point where even he needed to move on.
My blog has moved on. In the almost three years since I started writing about my son, things have moved on a lot, and quickly.
This weekend I sat at home and I followed the Mad Blog Awards with a pounding heart. I cannot tell you how proud I am that Jennie came home with an award in her arms. No replacement for the baby girl who should have been there, but an award all the same. And today I have watched the beautiful film that Sally put together to showcase all of the finalists in the Outstanding blogger category and it made me realise. That. That is what blogging used to be about for me. That is why I started my blog, in the end.
When I wrote about my son and his traumatic birth, I never imagined it would connect me to so many other women. The lovely, lovely Jayne, co-founder of Maternity Matters, and the one person who took my hand when I needed it and showed me what blogging could do. And in five months, my little blog was in the finals of the Mad Blog Awards itself. How I wish I had known what that meant! How I wish I had been there to experience the fact that people appreciated what I was writing.
But I was pregnant. And sick. And working. And not really sure that I was supposed to be there. And then. Then Bella was here and life was changing and somehow, somewhere, I lost my track. I lost my purpose. I lost the reasons why I started blogging.
I love writing about my son now, and the things we do- the messy play and the early learning and the adventures we get up to together. I love also using my blog where I can to support Jennie, and the Lullaby Trust and to help in some small way to build a legacy with a mother who has an aching heart and empty arms. My friend. I love all of that, but I don’t recognise my blog any more. I don’t know if this is a bad thing, but I do know that my friend’s achievments this weekend have inspired me.
As she has inspired so many people ever since she picked up the virtual pen and put it to virtual paper (and that is why she won) Jennie, has inspired me once more. Not only to make each and every day with my children count as much as I can, but to make my blog count too. Because this blog was started with some good intentions too, and because I felt sure there was something I could do, some difference I could make with it. And because I’m not ‘over’ my son’s birth and what happened to us; there is still so much to write about.
Why did you start your blog?