Like a spider in a cup…

all dressed up like a spider in a cupGhostwriterdadddy recently introduced me to a band called The Uncluded On first listening, they seem a little weird but you can’t help liking them immediately. The lyrics are quirky and Kimya’s beautiful voice is actually oddly complimented by Aesop Rock’s rapping… you have to listen to it really. Anyway, that’s not the point of this post.

On the surface, especially when you listen to a 30 second track dedicated to listing sandwiches, The Uncluded seem like superficial, jokey jokers. But if you really listen, they’re talking sense. To me, anyway. The preschooler’s favourite track is Boomerang because of the line

All dressed up like  a spider in a cup

and one day I realised that this was about me. Honest.

Now, I have no intention of starting a debate about working mums, stay at home mums, or work from home mums. I’ve been all three, I know all three and I have the greatest respect for all three. But, for ME, being a stay at home mum feels a little like I am a spider in a cup.

Trapped.

Dressed up with qualifications and degrees and aspirations.

Nowhere to go.

Looking out at everyone else who seems to have their lives sorted. Looking out at people going places, doing things and living life.

Trapped inside a little glass cup with no way of getting out. Until.

Until someone lifts the glass and I can run out again.

I don’t know if this makes sense now that I write it down. Readers of this blog will know that I love my children dearly and being at home with them makes me happy. But being at home with them also makes me restless, a little. I’ve always worked and I’ve always had my own money. But more than that, I’ve always wanted to be a good role model to my children. I’m not saying that having a job makes it so, but for me and for my family, I am happier when I have a job. Another purpose. A little bit of something else.

I wonder if it is just me? I crave being able to stay at home with my children and do nothing but play and nurture them. But I also crave something for me too. And now I will leave you with my favourite song from The Uncluded, Delicate Cycle. Have a listen while I try to figure out how the lyrics can relate to me…

10 thoughts on “Like a spider in a cup…

  1. This is EXACTLY how I felt. Ophelia is my first so not sure if that will stay the same but after 18 months of being a SAHM I felt trapped and like I was looking at the world from the outside. I think it’s right to do whatever feels best for you xxx

  2. I work part time& rest is SAHM. Working for me is so important as it makes me a much nicer mummy!!

    I need space, my girls not a great sleeper so it’s like a release and I can breathe (if that makes sense) x

  3. I can really relate to this. I’ve always been the main earner in our household. I find it so difficult not earning and having my own money, even though hubby is earning enough to make our finances work. I also loved my London job. I loved the challenge, the buzz and the way every day was different.
    I love S hugely and being at home with him makes me so very happy. I wouldn’t change it , but it doesn’t stop me looking back at the old working me with a little envy xx
    BakedPotato Mummy recently posted..Breaking the TabooMy Profile

    • I know exactly what you mean. I also want my children to see that women work too, if that makes sense. At the moment they think that only daddys work as I work from home. I hope that they will understand when they are older
      xx

  4. When I was on mat leave I never wanted to go back and wanted to be a sahm mum forever. Then when z was about 10 months old I realised I really needed some mental stimulation and I was starting to go a bit stir crazy. I kept repeating the same conversations to the the hubby and basically felt a bit lost. I went back part time and it worked out really well. I’m not sure i could have got used to not having my own money either.

    • Yes I’ve felt exactly the same. I missed adult conversations and I missed having a little something of my own too!
      x

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