Ghostwriterdadddy recently introduced me to a band called The Uncluded On first listening, they seem a little weird but you can’t help liking them immediately. The lyrics are quirky and Kimya’s beautiful voice is actually oddly complimented by Aesop Rock’s rapping… you have to listen to it really. Anyway, that’s not the point of this post.
On the surface, especially when you listen to a 30 second track dedicated to listing sandwiches, The Uncluded seem like superficial, jokey jokers. But if you really listen, they’re talking sense. To me, anyway. The preschooler’s favourite track is Boomerang because of the line
All dressed up like a spider in a cup
and one day I realised that this was about me. Honest.
Now, I have no intention of starting a debate about working mums, stay at home mums, or work from home mums. I’ve been all three, I know all three and I have the greatest respect for all three. But, for ME, being a stay at home mum feels a little like I am a spider in a cup.
Dressed up with qualifications and degrees and aspirations.
Nowhere to go.
Looking out at everyone else who seems to have their lives sorted. Looking out at people going places, doing things and living life.
Trapped inside a little glass cup with no way of getting out. Until.
Until someone lifts the glass and I can run out again.
I don’t know if this makes sense now that I write it down. Readers of this blog will know that I love my children dearly and being at home with them makes me happy. But being at home with them also makes me restless, a little. I’ve always worked and I’ve always had my own money. But more than that, I’ve always wanted to be a good role model to my children. I’m not saying that having a job makes it so, but for me and for my family, I am happier when I have a job. Another purpose. A little bit of something else.
I wonder if it is just me? I crave being able to stay at home with my children and do nothing but play and nurture them. But I also crave something for me too. And now I will leave you with my favourite song from The Uncluded, Delicate Cycle. Have a listen while I try to figure out how the lyrics can relate to me…