just so you know #birthtraumaJust so you know

How he was born does matter

and still matters, almost four years on.

Just so you know

Yes I am grateful and almost painfully aware that he is here and he is alive and he is healthy and happy and wonderful

but telling me that does not make the searing mess that was his birth any easier at all.

And

Just so you know

am allowed to feel this way.

Despite knowing that far worse things happen to far more people and far more people have been through so much more than I probably ever will.

Just so you know

This is how I feel.