After much confusions surrounding changing of borders and closing of local maternity units, we finally had our booking in appointment at the hospital and were in the right place! The first thing I wanted to know was why I was there (I knew I was booking in, of course, but I had chosen the same hospital as The Toddler was born in, so having a booking in appointment at an entirely different hospital was very confusing!) as my GP and midwife had been just as surprised at me! It turns out that during my pregnancy with The Toddler, Greater Manchester was divided into sections. All women choosing to have their baby at my chosen hospital were sent to a smaller hospital with just  a midwife-led unit for antenatal appointments and that was why I was there. I am to have all appointments there, including meetings with my consultant as she actually works at my chosen hospital and runs a clinic at the midwife-led unit. Make sense so far? It would have helped to have this explained a few weeks ago but we’ve got it now and we’re happy enough, seeing as the smaller hospital is a lot closer than where I will have the baby.

return of the bump booking in at the hospital~ ghostwritermummy.co.ukThe first thing we did was to start filling in the paper work to get me onto the hospital system. The same old questions. Having Ghostwriterdaddy there allowed me to keep emotions at bay and I managed to get through details of The Preschooler’s birth with facts only- no tears. My weight and height were taken. Blood pressure taken. All fine. The midwife then tested my urine for proteins (all fine) and told me that my sample was being sent off for testing as some women often had urine infections without symptoms. To be sure, they sent samples away for testing as routine. This was a new test for me and we weren’t sure whether it was a policy for this hospital or a new policy country-wide.

Bloods were taken next, for my blood group, Rhesus disease, anaemia, HIV, hepatitis and rubella. She also requested that my blood was tested for Chicken Pox immunity as I have never had the illness.

I was booked in for my first scan, which was tricky to fit in with Ghostwriterdaddy’s working schedule. But we got there. On the 9th May we get to meet the poppy seed for the first time; I will be 13 weeks and 3 days by then, which is within the time frame needed for the nuchal testing.

Our midwife was wonderful and answered all of our questions thoroughly and honestly, just as I had hoped. But the question I had been wanting to ask since the moment the test turned positive did not get the answer I really wanted.

Once more I am high risk. To attempt a VBAC would be ‘majorly risky’ and it is most likely that my consultant will advise against it. That is not to say that I cannot arm myself with all of the facts and figures that I can, and it is not to say that I would not be supported if I insisted. But it is highly likely that attempting a VBAC would be against doctor’s advise. I would be monitored very closely and strapped to lots of machines with lots of staff present as I laboured. It is highly likely that a trial of labour could result in an emergency section. It is highly likely that medical staff will not want me to do this.

And me? I don’t really know what I want at this point. But I know what I think I want. I think I want to make all that I have done wrong right again. I think I want to prove to my body and to my soul that I can actually do this and I suspect that unless you have been through what I have been through my may not understand at all. You may wonder why I wanted a c-section so badly for my last two children, only to want to try for a VBAC this time. I may not understand it fully either, yet. But I know that I want to to try.

There will be no baby number five. There will be no other chance to resolve things. There is just this baby, this chance. And I want to take it.

For now, I will wait and I will read all that I can on this subject. I will speak to the consultant and I will take her opinion into consideration. I am not about to risk my baby or my life but I am willing, if the facts support me, to stand up for what I am entitled.

I think I want to try.