So today I am 14 weeks and five days pregnant. From last Saturday onwards, we have been telling the world our news. You can see our little announcement here and you can read all of my previous updates here too. I’ve been blogging this journey since I was 6 weeks pregnant, and now I am able to set the posts to public. I’ll apologise now for the really moany ones. My morning sickness has been vile this time.
And while we’re on the subject… something on Twitter caught my eye today. It is Hyperemesis Gravidarum awareness day today. You may have seen some tweets with the hashtag #HGAware and you may have seen the 2014 awareness video too.
When I was 6 weeks pregnant I went to see my GP after a weekend of vomiting and a couple of weeks gripped with constant, raging nausea. It hurt to walk. Drinking water was impossible. My entire body ached and my head throbbed. My GP was one of the first people to know I was pregnant, and asked me more than once if it was good news. How could someone as miserable I was feeling right then possibly be happy? It was a terrible question but he obviously felt it was necessary. It was quickly decided that I was dehydrated and medication was prescribed so that I could try and claw back some resemblance of life.
For the next two weeks, I literally dragged myself through the days. I discovered, to my utmost despair, that the tablets I’d been prescribed made me feel drowsy and nauseous, so I could only take them at bedtime. With a husband that works away, I was- and still am- the only person available to my kids. I had to be ‘there’ as much as possible. Most days were spent just getting through until 7.30 when I could collapse into bed.
A medication change soon after meant that the vomiting stopped but the nausea stayed. I am still not sure what is worse; sometimes being sick can almost be a relief when you feel so ill.
But I am lucky. I watched that video today with tears rolling down my cheeks. How lucky I am to have a GP that believes in prevention rather than cure. A GP who would rather prescribe medication than see me admitted to hospital with dehydration. A GP who listened as I told him that I had no choice- I could not rest and I could not find another way to get through. There have been times that I even wished this pregnancy was not so; I think my GP realised that.
Today is HG awareness day and I am new to all of this. I am a fraud in many ways as I have not suffered anywhere near as much as some of the brave ladies in that video. I just wanted to raise a little awareness and try to explain how truly awful some days have been. Not many people know how ill I’ve been or how much it has affected my life so far. I am only just beginning to emerge from the haze; time spent outside of the house is not no so frightening, but I have to stay close to home. This is the reason why I will not be able to go to Brit Mums this year, and why I cannot make the Baby Tilda Barn Dance. The latter is extremely upsetting for me. Jennie and I spoke of organising this event almost a year ago and to not be there to see it is something I will never forget. But I have to do this. Travel sickness is a new thing for me; being up past 8pm is now impossible. But I know it will not last long and, as symptoms are already much better than they were two weeks ago, I am trying to do all that I can to ease it all.
It is hard to imagine how a baby grows and develops when you feel so terrible, but it does. The poppy seed is now the size of a lemon. Movements are developing nicely and if I concentrate really hard, and keep still, I can feel them with certainty. Intestines are developing, hair is growing on the body which will soon be replaced with fat. All of this happening while I am feel less than human.
And over the last week or so general bloating seems to have diminished; I am sure my ‘bump’ is smaller this week than last!
Oh, hyperemesis is miserable. I had it really badly with my first pregnancy (girl), less severe with my second (a boy). I don’t know how I could possibly have coped with older children to look after. With only 20 months between my two, my saving grace with pregnancy number 2 was that my little girl still napped A LOT. I would love a 3rd child, I’m not sure if I’m brave enough yet.
There are lots of different meds, talk to your GP about trying something different if you want. I also found that acupuncture helped (luckily available to me on the NHS). It does get better (as in more bearable)…. and the best bit for me? As soon as my placenta was out with both pregnancies, I felt a gazillion times better than I had in… well, 9 months. Being up all night with a newborn was a doddle. I felt like a million dollars and really, really enjoyed those first few months, while my non-sicky friends were in a fuzzy daze.
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Was it really that instant? The meds I am on now are working well for me but I am interested to hear about acupuncture. I may give that a go. I’m sorry you suffered so much, I honestly think I have got away lightly here
x x
Yes, it really was that instant…. I do hope you feel better soon. Hopefully the better weather will help. I always felt a little better outside in the fresh air. Nobody who has suffered with any form of severe sickness / nausea has got away lightly. In whatever form, to whatever extreme, it is awfully debilitating.
First of all – congratulations! I know those words are hard to comprehend when you are in the throws of HG. I can only comprehend how hard it is to look after your other children when feeling so ill. I used to repeat “nine months of hell for a lifetime of happiness” to myself when suffering HG. Thank you so much for sharing our video. I am privileged that so many sufferers and survivors shared their HG photos and stories with me. No matter how many times I watch it I still shed a tear knowing what each of those families had to go through to bring their little one into the world.
Thank you again x
Emma Edwards recently posted..Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day 2014
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Thank you so much for sharing all of the stories. I honestly cried and cried when I saw it and I know that I am so lucky to not have suffered as badly. I am going to go and read all of your posts now
x x
Congratulations!!!
The sickness is utter rubbish, as is the exhaustion. I kept telling myself that it means baba is fine in there while I am an utter wreck. Hope you feel better soon and get to enjoy the pregnancy.
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It is SO hard to believe that baby can be well when I feel so terrible so the scan was such a relief!
x x
This has brought so many memories of pregnancy back to me. I was ill both pregnancies but with Sam in was a whole new low. My stomach constantly churned, flipped and turned, I could smell food a mile off and cooking or smelling people cooking was a big no, no as I always gagged and had to run to the bathroom. I couldn’t even do food shops in fear I would be ill (and often was afterwards). I spent months on the sofa watching Alex play-he was so desperate for attention but I couldn’t even sit upright or stay awake! It was the worst few months of my life, and I completely understand about you not wanting to leave the house, I felt exactly the same and when I HAD to leave I was full of anxiety about being ill. I blacked out a couple of times too, apart from my GP signing me off work for a month they were not any help at all so I am glad they are at least excepting it at yours and trying to help you. My last pregnancy really puts me off having any more children in the future, the birth I can deal with but the pregnancy itself is not something I think I could get through again-despite wanting more children! Watched the video though and I am very grateful for not feeling that ill and sick, can’t imagine what that must be like. Sorry to hear you can’t make the barn dance that must feel awful as I know that, that is something you would love to be a part of. Hope you feel better soon! xx
(sorry for the essay)!!
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Thank you so much for your lovely comment. The last few weeks have been so hard and with not telling people until this week, even harder. Those who have known perhaps haven’t really understood how ill I’ve been because I’ve hidden away from them. But I really do think I am turning a corner now. I am taking great care to go to bed early and to eat well and I hope that it means I can continue to feel a little better. But yes, you’re right- the fear of being ill is sometimes just as bad and it is stopping me from doing lots that I would like to be doing this summer.
x x
I feel for you lovely. Pregnancy is difficult in many different ways for all women, and I am lucky that I never suffered with this. I wish you all the best and look forward to reading your updates! xxx
Kerrie McGiveron recently posted..My Children’s BAGGAGE…
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Thank you so much. I am already feeling a lot better!
x x
I got away quite lightly with only vomiting when I brushed my teeth! Hope these things improve so that you can enjoy your bump x
Becky @lakessinglemum recently posted..Reasons to be Cheerful Week 20 – 2014 #R2BC
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After watching the HG awareness video I know that I also got away lightly. Things are already a lot better, thank you 🙂
x x
I’ve not had it myself but everything I read about it indicates its pretty tough if you have it. I hope it leaves soon and you can just eat absolutely everything you are craving. I can’t believe I didn’t notice at Blog On but I think I was just a tad excited to see you after so long! 😀
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To be honest, I’m not craving anything at all! But it was lovely to see you 🙂
x
Brilliant post. I suffered with HG in my first pregnancy and was admitted to hospital, it was the worst time of my life. I dare say I’d rather go through labour than go through HG – it’s completely and utterly disabling. So glad to hear you have a supportive GP – there definitely needs to be more awareness raised as most people I know just told me I was being “overly sensitive”
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THe last few weeks have been awful but I am so happy that I seem to be coming through it all a little now. I am so so sorry you’ve suffered so much 🙁
x x
Congratulations hun on your news. I can’t relate to your HG as I never had it this bad but it sounds like you have suffered badly. I’m glad that your GP was able to help you somewhat and I hope it is easing for you now that you’re in your 2nd trimester. Looking forward to your updates xx
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Thank you- yes it is easing and the medication is working well for me. I am lucky!
x
I am so sorry that you have been so poorly x I wish I lived just round the corner so that I could come and spend some time x Please do not worry about the barn dance or Brit Mums x It was wonderful seeing you today and I hope that we will have time together again soon x Until then take care of yourself and that baby and keep in touch x x x x
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I SO wish you lived around the corner too! Its hasn’t been pleasant the last few weeks but I am hoping that its starting to ease now x x x
Oh gosh that sounds horrid – I’m so pleased that your GP could give you something that helped, even if it wasn’t a complete cure, and fingers crossed that it eases really really soon! I think it’s sometimes one of the hardest things about pregnancy, accepting that we do need to slow down and step back, especially with older children still needing the same attention as before – and I say this as someone who’s chronically bad at accepting that she might need to take a break!
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It is hard, isn’t it. Everyone tells you that pregnancy isn’t an illness but when you feel that bad it certainly seems otherwise
x x x
Hugs lovely, that’s awful. Hope it eases in you & gives you a break. x
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Thanks lovely. It has already eased a lot and I hope I am starting to see the back of it now
x x
Gosh, do I ever know what it feels like to be so ill you can’t enjoy the fact you’re pregnant. I suffered very badly from HG and I think that sadness I felt, that wanting it to be ‘all over’ will always stay with me in some way. I’m so glad you have a supportive GP though. It’s just so important to know there are things that can help, that’s it’s not just ‘in your head’ (that’s what mine said and I ended up in hospital…). I hope it’s starting to get better now – by 16 weeks I was fine – and that you can enjoy the rest of it. For what it’s worth, I felt on top of the world for the remaining months of my pregnancy because I had no other health problems at all, and I was just so happy not be sick all the time! Hope the same will be true for you x
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Oh I am feeling lots better now. I still have bad days and they can be really hard but I think I’m coming through it now. So encouraging to know that others have enjoyed the remainder of their pregnancies after HG
x x
Thank you for sharing this (and sorry I am sp late in commenting… As you can imagine, I’ve been pretty busy of late!)
It is so important to share that pregnancy sickness is a spectrum and you can still feel utterly awful and wish you were not pregnant even without being so ill as to be admitted to hospital (I was never admitted… Although I was very, very sick and that was more lack of care than lack of need!) As the volunteer coordinator for Pregnancy Sickness Support I speak to sufferers every day and though the severity differs quite significantly, the feelings of loneliness, isolation, exhaustion and despair are still the same! Do not hesitate to contact us if you’d benefit from being matched with a volunteer who can support you through these difficult weeks!!
I’m sorry you’ll be missing BritMums Live and Matilda Mae’s Barn Dance… I know how much both mean to you… I haven’t had much chance
Sorry my husband just distracted me and I pressed send too soon…
I haven’t had much chance to keep up with your journey over the past couple of years as life has been so hectic with the book and work but I remember reading your posts on ivillage whilst I was writing mine in the throes of HG and am sosad you are now experiencing the same thing! Take care of yourself and remember we’re here if needed x
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Thanks so much for your lovely comment. It really means a lot to know that there are others out there who know how low I have been feeling at times. Thank you- for all that you are doing and will continue to do for women suffering with HG x xx x
This is far too familiar. I am currently 16+1 in my second HG pregnancy (although the first to make it this far). It’s a bittersweet journey. The happiness and relief of having a healthy baby, coupled with the despair and exhaustion of having such a horrible illness! I feel thankful that my sickness is already easing up to only 2 or 3 days out of 7, but leaving me with nausea and horrific reflux.
The worst part I felt was that I’d witnessed my best friend go through HG with her now 10 month old daughter, unfortunately for her none of the medication her GP prescribed worked and she ended up hospitalised several times. Her sickness finally went at around 22 weeks, but has left her not wanting to have another child. I felt so guilty complaining to her when she suffered so much more than I have.
As she kept telling me, whether you suffer for 2 months or 9, it’s still for that moment the most helpless, unbearable feeling in the world! No other sufferer will begrudge you for feeling the way you do!
I’m finally feeling like I can start enjoying my pregnancy, feeling the first movements and seeing my bump grow! 🙂
Hoping that you’re feeling more human by now! Happy and healthy bump wishes to you 🙂 x
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Oh bless you. Have you contacted the Pregnancy Sickness Support line? They really are lovely. THankfully I am starting to come out of the worse of it all now but its something I won’t forget for a long time 🙁 We are due the same month 🙂
x x
HG sounds horrific. I had sickness and bad nausea but nothing like this. I’m glad you got some medication to help alleviate it to a degree Xx
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