Return of the Bump: 25 weeks

Today I am actually 26 weeks pregnant but this update is for 25 weeks as I am more than a little behind is so much that I’m doing right now…

The poppyseed is the size of a rather glamorous suede (!) and is growing rapidly. Don’t I know it. Capillaries are forming under the skin and filling with blood, so that skin is looking pinker. Air sacs are also developing in the lungs, ready for those essential first breaths in the outside world. Nostrils are starting to unplug, and vocal chords are warming up. It’s still so hard to believe that this is going on inside!

Physically I am up and down. I don’t have any of the usual pregnancy complaints of swollen ankles, back ache or pelvis pain. But I am back on the meds, for now. I am also starting to stress more than a little bit about the birth if I’m honest.

This week I saw my community midwife, who is based at the local hospital where The Big One and The Preschooler were born. Because The Toddler was and this baby will be, born out of area, things are not quite the same in my antenatal care. My midwife cannot take bloods as she can only send them to one hospital, which is no good for me. My midwife also has no knowledge of, or contacts at my birth hospital- so I can only assume that this is why I have not already been referred to the VBAC clinic. Happily, the wonderful Sheena (@sagefemmeSB)- midwife, avid positive birth activator and wonderful author of Catching Babies- was able to introduce me to the consultant midwife who leads the clinic so I hope to be able to go along and meet her soon. Because I need to talk about this whole VBAC/ giving birth/ having confidence thing. I am also lucky enough to have had contact with the fabulous Maggie Howell, who has sent me Natal Hypnotherapy downloads for overcoming birth trauma and preparing for VBAC. I’ll be reviewing them soon and I am so thankful that I’ve been able to connect with these women who are so passionate about supporting women in their birth choices.

This week has been a week of questions, a lot of which my midwife was unable to answer. Did the fact that I had epidurals during labour prior to both of my emergency sections contribute to fetal distress and the eventual outcome? Does having a small baby affect my chances if I go into labour? Will my hospital let me go to 42 weeks gestation before they intervene? Can I actually do this at all?

I’m really not sure.

Until now, I knew. I knew that I wanted a VBAC. That I could do it. And now, somehow, something has changed. Now, I am feeling the possibility of failure. So I guess the clinic is going to be a great idea for me. A chance to talk about my fears and to really understand what is going to happen should I be lucky enough to go into labour naturally. I also have growth scans looming, which will paint a better picture about whether or not the poppyseed is as small as they are expecting. I also have details of the legal team at my previous hospital so that I can go through my birth notes from there, and perhaps try to understand and conquer the fears of all that has gone wrong before.

This is a new pregnancy. A new baby. A new chance. And that is what I need to remember when the fears come up to haunt me again. Thanks to all who took the time this week to comfort me and to support me.

Return of the bump: 25 weeks~


  1. August 3, 2014 / 9:24 pm

    Beautiful bump – and I have everything crossed you get those answers that you so rightly deserve and need. I’m glad you have some positive and passionate women behind you, to support you and help you realise that you’re not doing this alone. It’s a shame your midwife wasn’t able to answer those basic questions, but it sounds like you’re well on the way to getting those answers and I hope, once you have them, things start to feel positive again. xx
    Molly recently posted..What to wear to a summer wedding when you’re eight months pregnantMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 4, 2014 / 6:25 am

      Thanks lovely x

  2. August 4, 2014 / 9:03 am

    My midwife said that fears of birth are natural whatever you have been through before, and admit the fear is the first step to confronting and overcoming it.. I thought she was perhaps a little bonkers, but actually since I’ve started saying “Yes I’m terrified of what might happen and what will happen IF..” the fear has faded and I feel quite confident (although I’ll be honest the idea of a watermelon popping out my hoo haa still fills me with fear even though I’ve done it already..) Stay positive lady x
    @goriami recently posted..Bravado Confetti Nursing BraMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 4, 2014 / 8:09 pm

      You know what? I completely get this. I’ve been reading a lot about labour and birth too, and watching a few bits and it is starting to demystify it all a little. I have been SO petrified for almost 10 years now and its time I faced up to it all. Thank you, as ever, for your lovely support x x x

  3. August 4, 2014 / 3:11 pm

    Hope you get all the answers and information you need. Please don’t see it as a failure if things don’t go the way you want to though, sometimes things are just our of our control. Sorry to hear you are back on the meds!! x
    Danielle Askins recently posted..My handmade wedding dressMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 4, 2014 / 8:08 pm

      Thank you so much. I aim to make peace with what shall be and I hope that I can do that before the big day arrives. If it does indeed! x x

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 5, 2014 / 6:54 am

      Ah thanks lovely x xx x

  4. August 4, 2014 / 9:30 pm

    It sounds like you’re taking lots of positive steps to combat the fear and answer some of the questions and that can only be a good thing, and it’s lovely that there are people around you that can provide that support and those answers. I think some element of fear is quite natural; it’s just about working out the right things to be wary of if that makes any sort of sense.
    Carie recently posted..Living Arrows 31/52My Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 5, 2014 / 6:54 am

      Yes it does make sense. I am actually starting to feel a lot calmer; I think writing about it all and reading other stories is really helping this time around x x x

  5. Fiona napthine
    August 4, 2014 / 11:46 pm

    You are doing really well strong mummy. I hope you have the birth you wish for x

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 5, 2014 / 6:53 am

      Thanks lovely x x x

  6. August 6, 2014 / 10:04 am

    Your bump is looking gorgeous lovely! I can totally understand your worries and its such a shame your midwife is unable to answer many of your questions! I really hope the VBaC clinic helps. Its funny how early on in your pregnancy you can be so certain, but as the birth approaches the fear sets in and it all becomes much less clear! I am trying not to think about it all too much, its likely I will need a C section anyway, but if not I do want to try for a VBaC, but its a totally different situation for me because my previous C Section was planned and I don’t have any previous traumatic birth experiences to weigh on my mind. I hope you get the support you need and answers to your questions to make it all a bit easier for you!! Xx
    Caroline (BecomingaSAHM) recently posted..Maternity Wear for a Summer WeddingMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 6, 2014 / 10:31 am

      Thank you lovely, I am quite excited to see what the VBAC clinic is all about. I will report back! x x x

  7. August 6, 2014 / 11:50 am

    Congrats on your 25/26 week of pregnancy. It’s a wonderful time and your bump looks gorgeous. I am in my 32nd week with my first one. I have no idea what I have ahead of me :-), but like you I am also researching and hoping for the best. I hope you find all the answers you need to go on and have a beautiful birth. I look forward to following your story on your blog. All the best x

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 6, 2014 / 7:22 pm

      Thank you so much. I hope my experiences haven’t scared you! What happened to me isn’t common thankfully- if you read up and learn how to conquer fear of the unknown, trust in your body etc you will be fine! x x x

  8. August 6, 2014 / 3:47 pm

    I reckon that thinking about a second (third, forth and so on) birth is daunting if you didn’t have a brilliant time last time round – but it must be much more intimidating if you’ve had an experience as traumatic as yours was. I hope the clinic can answer all your questions, and put your mind at ease somewhat. It is interesting about the fear side – I did some research into hypnobirthing and the basis is that it’s fear that causes pain, and releasing the fear helps (which does make sense but easier said than done, right?!) Hope you get on well with the CDs – I’m going to give it a try myself xx
    Gill Crawshaw recently posted..29 weeks pregnant: you can always bank on strangersMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      August 6, 2014 / 7:21 pm

      That is interesting. I haven’t had a chance to listen properly yet but they are downloaded onto my phone so I’m hoping to listen tonight. Hope you get on well with them too x x x x

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