Reurn of The Bump: 26 weeks

Today I am 26 weeks and 5 days pregnant with baby number 4. The poppyseed is now the size of an aubergine and weighs around 2lb already. The eyes are starting to open and bright lights on the outside are a source of wonder on the inside apparently. Last night I felt one of those squirmy, wriggling full body turns for the first time. The poppyseed made a full roll from one side to another and took my whole tummy with it! All the movements are still really low down and I’m not sure if that is because the placenta is cushioning movements higher up, or if baby just prefers it lower down.

And this week I think I am feeling some shreds of positivity return. After the wobbles of the last couple of weeks, this whole giving birth/ VBAC thing is starting to look a little clearer. A little. I was thinking back to when I was pregnant with The Big One, and how as my due date crept closer I started to feel more and more frightened of the birth. And then one night it dawned on me. What had I to be scared of? This was my baby, and I’d known her since she was a tiny poppyseed. I’d felt her kick and seen her little limbs poking out of my stomach and there was no way I could be scared of her. Realising this centred me, helped me to stay calm and accept that what would be, would be.

The Preschooler’s birth changed all of that and all clarity went awry for me.

I am frightened. I am scared. I am worried about the birth. But I see amazing things happen and I think that if I just have hope, and belief, then maybe I really can do this.

I read this article this week: 10 positives that nobody tells you about childbirth.  And oh! How the impossible suddenly seems possible for me.

The poppyseed only has to travel around five inches to get out into the real world. I measured five inches on a ruler and it’s not that far. It’s not a long distance. It’s not impossible.

The poppyseed should not be likened to a melon having to be squeezed out of a tiny hole. That’s ridiculous. The poppyseed is the perfect size for my body and if my body can make it and grow it then it can deliver it. I know it can.

The pain. The pain scares me a lot. But, going back to the rationalisation I applied first time around, the pain is part of me. I can control it if I try.

Please have a read of the article if you can. It has really helped me to re-focus a little in what has turned out to be a fairly difficult week. It has reignited my determination to trust in my body once more. This poor, poor body. I do not always trust in it. I do not always like it very much. I do not always assume that it can do any of the things for which it is designed. But during this pregnancy I have tried to take care of it a little more and to listen to it when it talks to me. I have tried to respect this body and one day, I hope, I will believe in it.

 

Returns of the bump: 26 weeks~ Ghostwritermummy.co.uk

Mother's Always Right

24 Comments

  1. August 8, 2014 / 2:51 pm

    Great post and thanks for posting the positive article on childbirth. I am only a few days ahead of you in my pregnancy journey. This is my first baby, so I don’t have any previous experience, but too many articles/ books/ TV shows focus on the negatives and have me very scared! Thanks for showing me a different perspective – and best of luck x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 8, 2014 / 3:35 pm

      I am so glad you found the article helpful. In many ways I feel like a first time mum as I have never had a vaginal birth and so I feel like I’m looking at this with new eyes all the time. The article certainly helped me to put things into perspective x x x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:50 pm

      Thank you, me too 🙂 x x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:50 pm

      Thanks Becky. I have a wonderful feeling that it will x x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:50 pm

      Do read it, its fantastic! x x

  2. Kirsty
    August 9, 2014 / 7:08 am

    You look fab!

    Birth is scary. I was terrified the first time around and used hypnobirthing which really helped a lot. Our bodies somehow just know what to do which is pretty incredible.
    Kirsty recently posted..Pregnancy Update – 8 to 11 Weeks!My Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:49 pm

      I have a natal hypnotherapy CD this time, and am reading Ina May Gaskin’s book on childbirth which is a complete revelation! Finally, I agree with you. Our bodies really do know what to do! x x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:50 pm

      You’re welcome. And thank you!! x x

  3. August 9, 2014 / 10:35 am

    Glad you’re feeling a lot better this week. There will be so many pain relief options, if iou want to go down that route, to help you through a vbac. Poppy sounds like he/she is coming on very nicely 🙂

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:51 pm

      Thanks lovely. I intend to read up as much as I can 🙂 x x

  4. August 9, 2014 / 1:14 pm

    I’m really glad you’re feeling a bit more positive this week; it’s perhaps human nature that we focus on what scares us but it’s good to look for the positive too – and thank you for the link to the article 🙂
    Carie recently posted..Widdecombe Fair {handmade for baby}My Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:51 pm

      I think you’re right. And I am now working on my own nature and trying to reverse that so that I concentrate on what I CAN do, rather than what I think I can’t. If that makes sense?! x x

  5. August 10, 2014 / 1:38 pm

    It sounds like you’re doing all you can to be as prepared as you can be. Although I’ve never experienced birth trauma, I do remember almost feeling a loss of control at the beginning of my birth with F. So this time, experience tells me to try and equip myself with as many tools as I can to stay positive, relaxed and in control. Yoga has been hugely helpful – I have a Tara Lee DVD and go to a regular weekly class. I’ve picked up a few helpful positions and movements which can aid relaxation and comfort during labour – not to mention the breathing. Of course it remains to be seen if these will actually help, but it’s making me feel less scared about the impending birth and – dare I say it – *almost* excited. Lovely post to link up to this week’s #BlogBumpClub. x
    Molly recently posted..Blogger Bump Club Week 13 #BlogBumpClubMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:52 pm

      I am reading Ina May Gaskin’s book at the moment and you know what? I too am feeling excited. I am hoping this will be as amazing for us both as it is for the ladies in the book!! x xx

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:52 pm

      Ah thanks lovely x x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:53 pm

      Thank you 🙂 x x x

  6. August 17, 2014 / 9:01 am

    I know this sounds silly, but the best distraction from the pain for me was trying to get my breathing right. As soon as I started getting panicky my breathing would be all over the place, but once James told me to focus on the correct breathing (deep breath in through nose and out through mouth) the pain became much more manageable-I did need reminding quite a lot mind you, but did manage without pain relief for Sam and think I had a much more memorable birth than Alex’s where I had Pethidine and was so drowsy and it slowed everything down! Might not work for you, but who knows 🙂 xx
    Danielle Askins recently posted..Scott Cornwall Shine On: review and wedding hairMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      August 18, 2014 / 5:53 pm

      That doesn’t sound silly at all. I am reading Ina May Gaskin’s book at the moment, so it makes perfect sense. Thank you 🙂 x x

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