Today I am 28 weeks pregnant. And 6 days. And I will not lie; this week has been hard. Whether it has been exhaustion following our holiday, or just pregnancy related crapness, I don’t know. But I’ve wanted to spend much of this week hiding under my duvet, sleeping. And I haven’t been able to. The children have also been tired, The Toddler has regressed on her potty training (fairly extremely) and the other two are just generally suffering from having a mum unable to even think what to do with them, let alone do it.
I’ve totally failed at the summer holidays this year.
That aside, guilt stuffed down the back of the sofa for another moment or two, the poppyseed is hanging in there. This week the baby is the size of a large aubergine, and is starting to settle into position for birth. Currently back to back, so send ‘move over baby’ vibes this way please! The poppyseed is also supposed to be around 2.5lb in weight and building new skills such as coughing, sucking, hiccuping and blinking. Clever baby! The poppyseed is also sleeping with real REM phases, which apparently means he/she could be dreaming too. Not sure what those dreams could be about, but it’s wonderful to think it could be happening. If only we could remember those days!
This week I saw my community midwife, who measured bump and confirmed yet again that baby is ‘small for dates’. By almost 4 weeks this time. My blood pressure is also high! I have to admit to feeling more than a little gutted about this. Firstly, I have a personalised growth chart, which means that the lines on my chart are to indicate where baby should be, within parameters that are normal for me, not normal for the average woman. This has been based on the weights of previous babies, and in theory this baby should follow one of the lines on this chart. But it doesn’t. It has fallen way off the scale this week. Therefore it is too small, for me. I feel like I am already failing, again. The midwife told me that there isn’t much I can do (I have a growth scan next week), apart from to monitor movements closely and to call triage immediately if I notice any change from the norm. Now I do not know what the norm is.
And the blood pressure? That has me worried. I always have low blood pressure. It has never been high. I eat well, I exercise daily and I don’t drink or smoke. I should not have high blood pressure! I am putting this reading down to a blip- as the midwife (a stand in for my normal midwife) was taking my BP, I was telling her my reasons for choosing a different hospital for this baby, and what had happened with The Preschooler. I know talking about that will raise my blood pressure, as I still find it so upsetting to talk about. That said, after discovering that high blood pressure can mean less blood to the placenta, and therefore restricted growth for baby, I am taking steps to ensure that I don’t get another high reading if I can help it. Here is where I must say a special thanks to my lovely friend, Chelle.
And thanks also this week to my dear friend Minty and to my husband who have both mopped up my tears this week. It’s been emotional. But I am still here. And so is the bump!