Today I am 29 weeks and six days pregnant. Tomorrow I shall be the big 3-0 weeks and feeling rather overwhelmed with it all. Yesterday morning I didn’t want to be 30 weeks pregnant. I wanted time to slow down a little, to take a little longer in this pregnancy. I wanted to relish the remaining 10-12 weeks I was utterly sure I had left. And today?
Today I am learning never to take anything for granted. Never to assume that everything will be how I plan it in my head. The pregnancy, the VBAC, the whole thing. Nothing I do now will really have much effect on the outcome; all I can do now is stay as healthy as possible and hope that everything is ok.
Yesterday we had our growth scan and consultant appointment and were told that the poppyseed is, indeed, small. The tape measure got it right after all. Baby is around 2lb in weight, but apparently the size is not of immediate concern right now. I am to go back in two weeks to be re-scanned as the doctors would like to check the function of my placenta, and measure the fluid around the baby. They are concerned that all is not as it should be, and this is the reason why baby is not following a curve on the growth chart. As my previous scan was 10 weeks ago, they have no way of knowing if baby is growing ok or not. They suspect not, but have admitted that this one could just be small and that could be normal for me. That’s the best case scenario, and the one we want.
But we have to prepare for the worse case scenario too, which was laid out in fromt of us straight away.
Doctors aim to get me to 34 weeks gestation before baby is delivered, by c section “of course”.
Doctors may let me get to 36 weeks before delivering.
A VBAC is highly unlikely, given the evidence that shows small, premature babies are not good candidates for labour and birth. And, I suspect, ladies with three previous sections under their belts are not the greatest of candidates either.
Baby is also breech, but has time to turn and although I know this is true, this fact too feels like another nail in the VBAC coffin.
Baby will be small at 34 weeks. Very small. And so will need special care.
Knowing that there may only be 4 weeks of this pregnancy left is strange. Yesterday I assumed I had at least 12 weeks to go! My first two babies were both late (42+1 and 41+4) and I assumed this one would be too. The world of premature babies, special care and all that goes with it is alien to me. And I hope it stays that way. I hope that the doctors are being over cautious and preparing me for the worst, just in case.
And so I will prepare for the worst. Anything else that happens will be a welcome surprise. I will ask to see the special care baby unit at the hospital. I will formulate a premature baby birth and care plan. I will prepare the children for a sibling that might not come home as quickly as the other ones did. And I will make my peace with it all, one day. For now I have lots to do. And for the sake of tradition:
This week the poppyseed is the size of a small cabbage! Weighing in at three pounds and measuring almost 17 inches, baby can now get ready to lay down some fat. Some babies will double their weight from this point; some will triple their weight. It’s all about growing at this point. Come on poppyseed, grow, grow, grow.