Today I am 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant with baby number 4. Say hello!
Today I set out on my own to the hospital for what I thought was to be a growth scan, and turned out to be a doppler scan instead. All that was measured was the fluid around baby and the flow from the umbilical artery. And both came back normal! The relief was so immense I could have burst into tears. But being alone, I wanted to stay brave and so I allowed myself a small smile. All that worry this week…
Apparently, those measurements could still change. We’re not out of the woods yet. On asking the doctors whether I should prepare for an early delivery, the response was vague. Baby is still very small, and movements are an issue, so an early delivery is still a possibility. I am to return for a growth scan next week, and then a decision may or may not be made. Limbo once again.
This week I have seen another new midwife and another new doctor. Each time I have to re-explain my situation and history and it’s getting exhausting. I want to speak to someone who remembers me. Knows that I’ve had three sections and had my heart set on a VBAC. Someone who knows why I’ve chosen an out of area hospital. Someone who cares enough to read my notes and listen to my fears. I have lost faith in ever meeting that person now.
My blood pressure is still ok, but this week there are some concerns over my urine sample so that has been sent off to the lab. That’s all I know. I’ve also been back on the monitor to check baby’s movements, which turned out to be ok enough to be allowed to go home.
And so my bags and I came home today, and I don’t mind admitting to feeling a little lost now. I am thrilled that today’s scan was such good news, but baffled as to why the doctors didn’t share my enthusiasm. I can only guess, since I am not being told, that there are still concerns over this poppyseed after all. And now? Now, I just want to get to 34 weeks. I want to enjoy this next week without worrying about blood flow or fluid levels. I want to spend some time with my hand on my belly and I want to feel my baby beneath my skin. And truthfully, I want this pregnancy to be over.
This week, the popyseed is the size of cantaloupe, weighing in at almost 4lb. Skills like swallowing, breathing and sucking are keeping baby busy, and more fat is piling onto the body so that the poppyseed resembles a newborn baby more and more. Baby is still head down, so I expect that will be the position to the end now. Yay!