Return of The Bump: 34 weeks and a quiet week

This week saw the magical 34 week marker come and go. Hooray! I am truly thankful to have reached this point in my pregnancy and to be able to go beyond it too. It’s been the goal for such a long time, and to know that this journey doesn’t end there is amazing. And on that note, if I seem ungrateful at having reached this point then you misunderstand me. A lot. I know that this part of my pregnancy could have been so so different. And for the fact that my bump and I are still here I am thankful. But I am also honest about my emotions and how hard this journey has been- and continues to be- for me. All I will say is that this is MY journey and you are welcome along if you’d like to join me. If you’re not able to do that, that’s fine. I will always write honestly in my space about how I feel.

And how do I feel? Exhausted. It’s been a quiet week, and that’s been exhausting. A quiet week with baby refusing to move much at all, after very active periods early on. I’ve spent many nights awake, and waiting. For a kick. A squirm. Anything. A quiet week with poorly children and a deflated me. A quiet week with lots of missed sleep, anxious dreams and shattered patience. A quiet week to reflect and regain lost strength and spirit. And to remember, whether I want to or not.

I think that much of the fear and anxiety that was left after The Preschooler’s (still need a new name for him!) birth is re-surfacing at the moment, and after reading this post on Simply Hayley’s blog I am reminded of the saying “Trauma is in the eye of the beholder”. What has happened, and is happening, to me might not compare to what has happened to you. But it is my trauma and my right to feel the way I do. And I think that some things never leave you, no matter how far you think you’ve come. Time doesn’t really ever heal; it simply puts more distance between you and more distractions to help you on your way. But it always comes back.

And I think that is what has happened this week. I will pick myself up again, and I will get ready to meet this baby.

This baby.

The poppyseed is the size of a cantaloupe melon and should be weighing in at around 5lb. Fingernails are reaching the tips of fingers and vernix over the skin is becoming thicker. Baby is getting ready for birth, and so must I.

I must accept now that a section is the only way this baby will make their entrance into the world, and that has to be ok.

Return of The Bump_ 34 weeks~ Ghostwritermummy.co.uk

 

 

Mother's Always Right

30 Comments

  1. BakedPotato Mummy
    October 5, 2014 / 8:09 pm

    Goodness me hun! You have every right to feel however you feel about your pregnancies and births – past and present. It’s your body, your emotions and yes, your space. I’d hate to think anybody has complained because you’re not able to enjoy your pregnancy as much as they think you should!!! Please ignore them and channel the energy towards yourself and your baby. It sounds like you need all the extra you can get.
    It must be such a relief to get this far, but I’m sure that doesn’t stop you worrying. I can only imagine how nerve-wracking it must be to be constantly looking out for kicks and squirms from your precious poppyseed. Sending you all love and hugs xx
    BakedPotato Mummy recently posted..Autumn Woodland Teepee – WinnerMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 6, 2014 / 6:35 am

      The constant monitoring of movements really is exhausting, and after all the sickness I think it is this that is really wearing me down. I do feel guilty for not cherishing what I already have but I’ve come to realise that there is no need to get bogged down in negativity. Thank you x x x x

  2. Kirsten Murphy
    October 5, 2014 / 8:20 pm

    Have you been getting hassle from the moaners, know-alls and negative nellies? Tell them all to bugger off, block them then give them no more thought. You don’t need to justify anything! Try and concentrate on the positive and keep smiling
    Kirsten x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 6, 2014 / 6:33 am

      Thank you. I intend this week to be all about positivity πŸ™‚ x x x

  3. October 5, 2014 / 8:35 pm

    I’m so, so happy for you and poppyseed to have reached this week. I always think that comparing your own experiences, positive or negative, to those of others is unnecessary because we all go through our personal journeys. You’ve had a tough time, you’re having a tough time, you’re doing amazingly well xxx
    Hannah Budding Smiles recently posted..Silent Reflux: Diagnosis and Treatment Video BlogMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 6, 2014 / 6:33 am

      I agree. There is no point playing life like it’s a game of top trumps. We do all have our personal journey and I really appreciate your kind words and support. Next week SHALL be better! x x x x

  4. October 5, 2014 / 9:06 pm

    Hey lovely, sorry you’ve had a rough week. I hope people haven’t given you grief. Everything is relative to everyone. You’ve had a challenging pregnancy, you should feel how you want to feel and no one has any right to judge. Tell them to eff off if they do. I hope writing this post has been cathartic for you. Wishing you a better week next week with regained strength and spirit. You carry on keeping you and baby well. xxxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted..Now nothing is as it should beMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 6, 2014 / 6:32 am

      Yes, writing this has been good. I spent much of last week feeling so guilty for complaining and not enjoying this pregnancy as I felt I should but I think now that I won’t truly relax until baby is here and we know all is well. x x

  5. Katherine Hannigan
    October 5, 2014 / 9:15 pm

    I have so much admiration for you, to have found the strength to go through another pregnancy and birth despite your trauma is something I so hope I can do one day. Birth trauma does have a way of knocking you off your feet and although you may never fully heal I so hope poppy seeds birth is a positive experience. Sending you love and hugs xxx

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 6, 2014 / 6:31 am

      Thank you so much. This pregnancy has been a lot harder than the last one, and I think its been a combination of the sickness, my husband working away a lot, and of course the issues we’ve had with baby’s growth too. I hate myself for complaining but it really is true- birth trauma does have a way of knocking you off your feet x x x

  6. October 6, 2014 / 7:36 am

    Congrats on getting to week 34! It’s a huge, huge milestone, especially in this case, and I’m so happy you’ve got this far. Hoping you can ignore any negative noise that comes your way and focus on all that lies ahead πŸ™‚ x
    Anna recently posted..Week 20: Half-way there!My Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 6, 2014 / 4:58 pm

      Thank you so much! x x x

  7. October 7, 2014 / 5:32 am

    I remember those nights well. The waiting, the urging, the WILLING baby to kick. The wondering if THAT was a movement? I’m not surprised you’re exhausted! But you’ve made it to week 34 which is fantastic. I know that a C-Sec is not what you wanted, I know this isn’t going to be anything like the birth that you hoped for. But poppyseed will be here soon. So soon! I hope you can push aside all the negativity and focus on those first few beautiful moments. Have you written out your birth plan now? x x
    Michelle Reeves (bodfortea) recently posted..Countdown to 10 miles: 5 weeks to goMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 7, 2014 / 12:18 pm

      It’s so hard, isn’t it. And yes, exhausting too. I am going to put the negativity aside, this week is already a lot better than last. Just one more midwife app, one more scan and then we prepare to meet baby πŸ™‚ x x x

  8. October 7, 2014 / 3:31 pm

    No-one can be sunshine and rainbows 24/7. Now my baby’s here I’m definitely not! So if you want to feel anxious or whatever that’s totally fine and normal and no-one should tell you otherwise. Congrats on 34 weeks! Another major milestone …
    Milly recently posted..I Love … Sock OnsMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 9, 2014 / 7:49 pm

      Sunshine and rainbows is just as exhausting! Thank you πŸ™‚ x x

  9. October 8, 2014 / 7:18 am

    I think you can absolutely be both thrilled to be pregnant and have got to 34 weeks and at the same time be finding it tough going and I can see why you’re going to want that baby in your arms before you can properly relax. Hopefully your little one will have a nice wriggly week to give you some peace πŸ™‚
    Carie recently posted..Pink is a gorgeous colour; Princesses are a phaseMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 9, 2014 / 7:49 pm

      Thank you x x x

  10. October 8, 2014 / 9:06 am

    Hope you haven;t had people moaning at you. Some people will be permanent happiness suckers though, they’re never happy unless they’re moaning about someone. So glad for you that baby has stayed in a bit longer. It sounds like a really exhausting pregnancy with all the worry and I hope the confirmation of the section may have lifted some stress even though I know you wanted a VBAC (just in the sense that its made it clear which path you’re going down). I can’t wait to see pics of the new little one when he/she arrives πŸ™‚
    Notmyyearoff recently posted..CardNest – A review of some beautiful cardsMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 9, 2014 / 7:48 pm

      I think having a date has certainly given us something to focus on, so yes- despite wanting a VBAC it really is a relief to know we’re almost there x x

  11. October 8, 2014 / 9:34 am

    I think you have every right to feel that way and every right to express those feelings. It must be such a relief to have made it to 34 weeks, hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well xxx #sharewithme
    Vikki Holness recently posted..LumiPotti ReviewMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 9, 2014 / 7:47 pm

      It really is a relief. Thank you x x

  12. October 8, 2014 / 10:08 am

    Congratulations on reaching another milestone, it’s an amazing achievement considering you were looking at different outcomes only recently. Don’t apologise for how you’re feeling, you are allowed to feel however you want to (especially on your own blog!) Pregnancy can be an anxious enough time already without other lots of other factors. Hope you have a quiet, but more relaxing week this week xx
    Gill Crawshaw recently posted..Advice to my future self, mother of twoMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 9, 2014 / 7:46 pm

      Thank you x x

  13. Potty Mouthed Mummy
    October 8, 2014 / 1:19 pm

    This is so lovely to read, I think you are embracing it in such a wonderfully positive and healthy way. I have been thinking of you lots and so very very glad you have got to this point, it is wonderful. You’re so right – it is your journey, your experience and you have the right to feel that in your own way xx
    Potty Mouthed Mummy recently posted..The Winter Summer DivideMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 9, 2014 / 7:46 pm

      Thank you so much x x

  14. October 9, 2014 / 8:44 pm

    I am with everyone else here, ignore them, tell them to bugger off, life is too short to listen to “those” people. You are entitled to feel about your pregnancy and babies however you want. They have no idea because they are not you. Everyone and every situation is different. Won’t be long before you are holding your beautiful baby in your arms. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. Getting close to birth. So excited for you. #sharewithme
    Jenny recently posted..Laugh & Learn Smart Stages Chair Review & GiveawayMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 14, 2014 / 12:09 pm

      Thank you, I intend on doing just that. It really is close now πŸ™‚ x x x

  15. October 10, 2014 / 7:02 am

    I remember the nights of no sleep at the end of my pregnancy all too well and thought that Mother Nature was being cruel to a soon-to-be, even more sleep deprived mum! Good luck with the birth – you’re almost there x
    Izzie Anderton recently posted..Life, Death and Vanilla Slices – Jenny EclairMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      October 14, 2014 / 12:09 pm

      Yes, it really is cruel isn’t it? I only want more than 4 hours in a row!!! x x x

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