Return of The Bump: 37 weeks

Today I am 37 weeks and 4 days pregnant with baby number 4. I am now hours away from meeting our little poppyseed, and if I’m honest I’m still struggling to accept how it is all happening. Without meaning to sound like a stuck record, so forgive me, but I am feeling so desperately sad that I won’t get my VBAC after all. And I am anxious that the surgeons will have reason not to lower the screen when baby is born, that they won’t let me hold my baby straight after birth. This is a real possibility, and something that has happened to me three times already. This is my last chance to get that moment, skin to skin, and I don’t want to lose it. I am scared.

Return of The Bump_ 37 weeks~ Ghostwritermummy.co.uk

I am scared that all will not be well when baby arrives.

I am scared that ‘unexplained IUGR’ will suddenly have an explanation that requires action, attention, things to happen.

I am scared that I will struggle to accept this baby after such a stressful pregnancy; this has happened before and I am desperately worried that it could happen again.

I am scared that nobody will understand. That nobody does understand. I’ve missed the interaction with midwives during this pregnancy. Being able to talk to someone about how I am feeling, rather than how big baby is, when baby last moved, and how much longer this pregnancy will progress.

I am scared that nobody understands how devastated I am to have had the reality of this last pregnancy ripped away from the dreams I had for it all those weeks ago.

I am scared that nobody understands how terribly lucky I feel to be pregnant, to have such a good prognosis for this baby, and to be just hours away from becoming a mother of four. And yet despite knowing all of this, I feel cheated. It’s not how I wanted it to be.

I am scared that when this baby arrives, there is no IUGR. There is just a small baby. No reason to panic. No reason to be concerned. The stress of the last few weeks will have been unnecessary, and nobody was able to tell me that.

I am scared. But deep down I know that we have had the best clinical care possible. The doctors, midwives  and surgeons are ready and prepared for what might be when baby is born. I’ve had steroid injections to mature the lungs, and today I will have more. The corticosteroids are to ensure fetal lung maturation due to the early delivery of baby; while 37 weeks is not quite classed as term (new guidelines now state that 39 weeks gestation is full term) is not either deemed as premature. It has been explained to me that baby will be ‘late premature’ and that the steroids are just a precaution, given the concern over baby’s growth and development. These injections are administered 24 hours apart prior to delivery, in the top of the leg. And they hurt!! But they are necessary, and could mean the difference between special care and not.

Since the first set of steroid injections yesterday the poppyseed has been quiet, although not quiet enough to warrant concern. I’ve monitored movements closely and am happy that all is ok in there for now. I am back at the hospital again today for more injections and will go back onto the monitor to ensure all is well. I’ve also been unable to sleep well since the first set of jabs and have read similar cases of women who’ve experienced insomnia following corticosteroids, so I am wondering if there’s a link. Another question for the midwives today I think!

This week, the poppyseed is the size of a bunch of swiss chard. Weighing in at around 6 and a half pounds (for the average baby), all that is left now is to gain weight. Movements are likely to be felt more as rolls and squirms now, since there is less room for kicks. But any reduction in movement needs to be checked out, as baby will not ‘slow down’ at this stage. Baby is inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid in preparation for life on the outside, and also practising sucking, blinking and turning from side to side. Clever little poppyseed.

Return of The Bump_ 37 weeks~ Ghostwritermummy.co.uk

And so all that is left now is to get through the last set of steroid injections, the pre-op and to build the crib. And then this journey takes us on a new adventure altogether.

16 Comments

  1. Fiona napthine
    October 23, 2014 / 7:49 am

    Good luck Susanne. So exciting and I understand a little scary for you. Thinking of you and can’t wait to hear your good news xx

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      November 3, 2014 / 11:04 am

      Thanks lovely and sorry for the late reply x x x

  2. Bakedpotatomummy
    October 23, 2014 / 9:50 am

    What an emotional journey this has been! I can’t believe it’s almost over. I’m so so sorry that you didn’t get the pregnancy and birth you’ve dreamed of. I know how much you wanted the VBAC. I’ll be thinking of you and sending you all positive vibes and lots of love xxxx
    Bakedpotatomummy recently posted..Little Chefs Week 2 – Pumpkin SnickerdoodlesMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      November 3, 2014 / 11:03 am

      Thanks lovely x x x

  3. October 23, 2014 / 10:23 am

    Good luck for tomorrow I hope that everything goes well for you and poppyseed . I had similar worries just before i went in for my induction I was sad pregnancy was ending before my due date and so worried something would go wrong. I really hope you get your skin to skin contact and enjoy every second of being a mum to four xx

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      November 3, 2014 / 11:03 am

      Thanks so much for your lovely comment. So sorry for the late reply x x x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      November 3, 2014 / 11:02 am

      Thank you! x x x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      November 3, 2014 / 11:02 am

      Thanks lovely, and sorry for the late reply! x x x

  4. October 23, 2014 / 5:48 pm

    Yay you made it to 37 weeks! I know you’re scared and I know this wasn’t how you wanted to meet baby. You’re in my thoughts and prayers honey and I’ll be wishing on all the stars until I hear you’re both safe and well. Huge hugs x
    Michelle at Bod for tea recently posted..Beauty on the road with a Big Green SmileMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      November 3, 2014 / 10:32 am

      Thank you so much, your support has been amazing x x x

  5. October 23, 2014 / 6:59 pm

    Sending you and poppyseed loads of love, strength and best wishes. You’re both going to do great and I have everything crossed that you get your skin to skin xxxxx
    Hannah Budding Smiles recently posted..Sleep? What Sleep?My Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      November 3, 2014 / 10:32 am

      Thank you! About to start writing some updates 🙂 x x x

  6. October 24, 2014 / 12:40 am

    I’ll be thinking of you and keeping everything crossed that you get exactly the experience you hope for and that poppyseed arrives happy and healthy. Sending lots of love to you all xxx
    Pippa Ainsworth recently posted..Meet the Cussons Mum & Me MidwifeMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      November 3, 2014 / 10:23 am

      Thanks lovely, so sorry for the late reply!
      x x

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