Walking into an operating theatre is never an easy thing to do. Yes, it is much calmer and more peaceful to do this than to crash through the doors in a panic, but it is still hard to do. To walk into that brightly lit room, to be introduced to people with job titles that seem alien. To allow your eyes to travel over the machines and the beeps and the faces behind the masks. The huge lights over the table. The board with your name on it. The letters and numbers that scream a foreign language to the patient. To be a patient.
Once upon a time I was a woman having a baby. I was not ‘high risk’. I was not a problem, as far as I could see. I was just a woman having a baby. And then I became a patient. A woman who was having a baby that needed intervention. A woman unable to deliver her baby by herself. A woman who needed a team to inject her, fill her with drugs and slice her open. But still a woman.
The team inside that operating theatre went to very great lengths to look me in the eye and to speak to me with respect and kindness. Everything was explained to me at every step of the way. The team inside that operating theatre knew that the pregnancy had not been an easy one; they knew that the baby inside might need some special attention. They could see that I was scared.
I was asked to sit on the edge of the table with my feet on a stool while the canula in my hand was hooked up to a drip. Unfortunately the one that had been inserted the previous night wasn’t working so another was inserted in the other hand. Before the drip was connected some blood was taken by the Anthony Nolan nurse and then I was hooked up to the heart rate and blood pressure machines. And then the spinal.
Sitting with my feet resting on a higher chair and slumping forward so that my spine was curved. A large, clear plastic sticky sheet over my back. A scratch on my spine. A whoosh of cold. I was helped to lie back on the table and told to wait a moment for the anaesthetic to take effect.
It’s a strange feeling as your legs and lower body turn numb. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s not empowering either. All of a sudden you are at the mercy of strangers.
The catheter was inserted and then the anaesthetist set to work checking that my body was responding correctly to the medication. Satisfied that all was working as it should, the surgeon was told that she could begin.
As the knife went to skin, Ghostwriterdaddy appeared by my side.
And then the pulling.
The tugging.
The nausea.
The quiet, calm voices.
The research teams hovering, waiting to take their prizes.
The machines beeping.
My breath, caught in my chest, unable to escape until
until
The feet are out
Or was it the head? I’m not entirely sure now.
and then
Shall we lower the screen? Your baby is about to be born!
And there she was.
Emerging from my body, lifted high to small cheers and huge smiles.
Elsie Rose.
Perfect. Tiny. Alive. Crying. No, screaming!
What an amazing sight- my baby taking her first breath! To be one of the first people in the whole world to see this person arrive earthside! The honour of seeing her lifted from my body! The absolute privilege of watching the surgeon lift her little body from mine, and to see her eyes open, her mouth open. To see her body before it is cleaned. Before she is weighed. Before anyone else touches her.
Elsie was taken with her daddy to be weighed and checked and somebody handed me some tissues because I realised I was sobbing. I realised I had just witnessed something so incredible and the relief that she was here and crying and we survived…
They brought her back with the news that she was tiny, but not that small after all. And she was well. She was healthy. It was going to be ok.
Elsie sat in her father’s arms as they stitched me up; I was moved onto a bed and then she was handed to me as we were wheeled to recovery. And in recovery I was finally given water to drink and a moment to take in what had happened.
and then
Then the midwives helped to move the wires from my chest to my back. They unwrapped my baby and placed her gently on my chest. Our skin touched. My baby and I. Skin to skin. A perfect first cuddle with my Elsie Rose, and the only way to end this story.
Ah, such a lovely story Susanne, I’m so pleased that you got the section that you wanted. It made me very emotional!
Thank you, I am so glad it went the way it did x x x
Such a lovely story and a perfect ending
Thanks lovely x x x
Oh this made me cry. Such a wonderful end to your pregnancy story – and a beautiful beginning too, to Elsie Rose’s life xxx
The section was as perfect as it could be in the end. After the stress of the pregnancy I am so glad I got that x x x
Having a little sob reading this, so lovely xx thanks for sharing xx
Oh bless you. Thank you x x
Truly the perfect end to the birth story and what a beautiful girl xxx
Thank you, we think so too 🙂 x x x
I’m so pleased everything went so well!
Welcome to the world little one x
Ah thank you x x
I am so glad that everything went well, and congratulations again on such a perfect little girl x
Thank you 🙂 x x
That sounds really scary but oh so well-written. Beautiful ending to the story. What a gorgeous little girl with a lovely name. x
Ah thanks lovely x x x
And isn’t she just perfect 🙂 well done you x
Oh she’s adorable! Perfect ending x
Thank you 🙂 x x x
What a truly amazing story and welcome to the world Elsie Rose. Beautiful name too! I love it. Glad it all went well and you got skin to skin and your moment together. All the waiting and fears over now. Biggest hug. Congratulations! Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
Thank you lovely x x x
Oh you’ve got me crying now! What a positive birth story – I’m so pleased it all worked out well and you got that skin to skin cuddle with your gorgeous girl. She is so beautiful – you must be incredibly proud! x
It wasn’t the birth I planned but I got it back in the end. And seeing her emerge is going to be the best moment of my life forever 🙂 x x x
I have tears in my eyes. What a beautiful bit of writing. When I saw how long it was I wasn’t sure I would make it to then end…but you hooked me. Pulled me in. And I loved it! What a beautiful little girl with a perfect name (my niece’s!). Congratulations!!
Thank you so much for sticking with us 🙂 And thank you for your lovely comment x x x x
I’m so glad you had a wonderful birth experience after all the troubles during pregnancy and your worry about having a csection. And it’s great to hear Elsie’s doing well.
Thank you so much 🙂 x x x
Oh Susanne I am sobbing!! Literally sobbing. This brings back SO many memories. After everything you went through with this pregnancy, the scares, the doubts, the confusion, the trauma, she was finally there in your arms. I have to stop now to get the tissues! Huge congratulations all over again x x
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, and for all your support too. You really are a lovely lady x x x x
Hugs x x
Oh how beautiful! I welled up a bit there. I’m glad Elsie is doing well 🙂 She looks gorgeous x
Thank you 🙂 x xx
Aww that is so lovely. I felt so calm reading it. Congratulations she is beautiful xxx
Ah thank you so much x x x
How lovely- she looks so beautiful xx
Thank you so much x x x
Lovely post. I have had 3 C Sections. Always a strange feeling walking into the theatre tho my last one was more of an emergency as she decided to make an early appearance.
So strange being awake knowing what’s going on. I think I prefer it to labour tho,
Beautiful baby. Congratulations
Thank you. I’ve now had 2 emergency and 2 elective sections and I am sad that I won’t get to do it vaginally but I’ll always be grateful for the calmness of the last two x x
This brought back such wonderful memories for me of my two elective sections. And, you’re right, even an elective is scary, walking into theatre is scary, but the care and attention and the focus on calm amazed and touched me at both and I’m so glad that your experience was the same xx
Both of my electives have been worlds away from the emergency sections and I’m so grateful for that x x x