The truth about having babies is that they stretch you. Firstly your heart. No matter how many babies, whether they walk beside you on this earth or not. It just stretches and let’s in all this love. And tha’s what I must remember when I look in the mirror, but it isn’t. What I really think about my postnatal body is mostly hidden from the world. I’ll share pictures like this,
but this is only acceptable to me with a layer of spanx, and when you strip away those comfort blankets the reality is so different. And I know I shouldn’t care, but I do. Having babies stretches you. Your body. And that hurts in more ways than one.
Post c-section, your body is not your own. And after 4 rounds of major abdominal surgery the chances of it returning to normal are pretty remote. I must find a new normal for this body now.
I have a band across the middle of my tummy that burns inside. I remember the dull pain from last time and I assume it is internal bruising but I’ve never asked so I cannot be sure. I have numbness around my scar and odd itching sensations that cannot ever be scratched.
And the rest of my postnatal body is just as battered. Worn down. Tired. That’s how I really feel.
I have four children. It faltered on the last, but my body created them. Nurtured them. Brought them to this world, one way or another. And yet what it looks like matters! Despite the super hero type things it has done, how it looks still overshadows it’s achievements.
And while I know I am not supposed to care (I am supposed to embrace my bumps and wobbles and be glad that I can give squishy hugs) I really do. I care. I want to make changes to my body. Make it better. Healthier. To feed a happy mind, a happy heart. A content soul.
A start has been made. A pledge to myself, and writing it all here will now make it official, if only to me.
I want to change what I really think about my postnatal body. It is amazing. It can do so many things. It won’t let me down. It makes me happy.
In my bid to change the way I feel about my postnatal body I am on a mission to get more active. To swim more. Walk more. Run with the pram even. Watch this space…