This blog is five years old today. I wish I had a milestone card for that.
Five years ago I sat in my kitchen and realised that something had to change. I’d spent much of the day in tears, re-living The School Boy’s birth. It was ten months on, he was a lovely warm, happy, sleeping baby with eyes so blue and a wide smile… and yet I still could not talk about what happened without some kind of cold dread pulling me down. A couple of months previously I’d been to my GP to ask for help and had been sent away again to ‘think about antidepressants’. I already knew I wasn’t depressed (PTSD is often misdiagnosed after birth) but I knew I needed something. An outlet. A way to work through what I was feeling. A way to re-gather my strength, lest I fall apart completely.
So i started this blog. I forget what was the final push. But here we are.
I wrote my son’s birth story and was amazed that people got in touch to say that it had moved them, they understood, I wasn’t alone.
I wrote about his reflux and the tough journey we found ourselves on for the first time.
I wrote about discovering I was pregnant again…
and ended up blogging my way through for iVillage UK.
I wrote about the fun we’ve had as a family- messy play, sensory play and days out.
I wrote about my feelings towards birth trauma, and setting up Maternity Matters.
I wrote about my pregnancy with Elsie Rose.
The dreams for a VBAC.
I’ve also written about c-sections and will continue to dispel the myths that lead women to believe they have failed in some way should their babies be born in theatre.
Through this blog I have become a media volunteer for The Birth Trauma Association, and done interviews for the BBC and various newspapers. I’ve become a member of the #MatExp campaign and help to admin the Facebook group. I’ve become an ambassador for MAMA Academy.
I’ve twice made it to the finals of the MAD blog awards, once in 2011 Inspire category, and again in 2015 Best Pregnancy and Outstanding Contribution categories. I also made the finals of the Brit Mums Brilliance in Blogging awards 2015, Inspire category.
So what next? I continue to write. This little blog means the world to me now. It holds the all the small moments, the big moments and the funny moments of the last five years.
It holds the memories, the tears and the laughter. It holds my voice. I often tell people that I can write it a lot better than I can say it, and without this blog I would have no voice.