Sometimes, I cry

Sometimes I cry. I stand in the shower and let the water rain down on me like tiny bullets of crystal clear glass and though I know my family probably know I’m doing it, I only let the sobs flow when I’m sure I’m alone. I’m not alone often. There is usually a small hand on my leg or a bottom on my lap. There is usually only thirty seconds or so before my hiding place is discovered. There is usually no stone left uncovered in their quest to find me. And usually, that’s just fine. But, sometimes, I cry.

sometimes I cry_Ghostwritermummy.co.uk

I cry because I am human. I am a mother trying to muddle through the murky waters of bringing up people to be kind, decent and honest. I am a mother trying to work, to care, to cook and to clean. I am a mother hoping against hope that these people who rely on me so heavily don’t discover that really I am making it all up as I go along.

Sometimes, I cry. For the girl that wanted four children but never assumed the road would be anything but smooth, trouble free and idyllic. For the girl who assumed childbirth and all it’s messy glory was hers for the taking. For the girl who thought motherhood was nothing but love.

sometimes I cry_Ghostwritermummy.co.ukIt is much, much more. It is painful. It is hurtful. It is uncomfortable.

Sometimes I cry. Because this journey I’m on is so exquisite and unforgiving in its beauty and it’s barb. Because that little hand on my leg won’t always be little and those little footsteps outside won’t always be seeking me. Because one day, the tears won’t come. I won’t cry. I won’t feel. I won’t be. And that is the most scary part of all.

22 Comments

  1. May 1, 2016 / 8:29 pm

    My hormones are all over the place at the moment, I cry because I am proud, scared, happy and tired. I think parenthood comes with so much else that we never expected and it is so overwhelming, even several years in. x x
    Bex @ The Mummy Adventure recently posted..Me and Mine AprilMy Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 2, 2016 / 6:59 am

      Pregnancy hormones can be hard. But yes I agree, parenthood in general is so full of ups and downs, there has to be a way to release it all now and then xx x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 2, 2016 / 6:58 am

      think the last time I cried was when Bella didn’t her school of choice!! haha. I agree though, its good to cry and not have to explain yourself xx

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 11:12 am

      AH thank you. I agree xxx

  2. May 2, 2016 / 9:04 am

    This post rings so true with me. I cry sometimes, parenthood can be so overwhelming. I cry because I am happy, sad, frustrated… the list is endless. This morning I cried because I was cuddling my tiny baby and singing to him and he is just so perfect it made me cry. X
    Emma Lofthouse-Burch recently posted..Meal Planning Monday 2/5My Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 11:12 am

      Parenthood really can be overwhelming. my mum always says they’re the best and the worse days and I know what she means now xx

  3. May 2, 2016 / 10:03 am

    Wow what a powerful post. I’m almost crying thinking of all the times I’ve cried. I cry too, mostly when I get those 2 seconds to myself and I know it’s okay. Its okay to cry, sure if we didn’t we build it all up and end up having a break down. Sending hugs mama, you are doing great!

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 11:08 am

      AH thank you. Hugs back to you! xx

  4. May 2, 2016 / 8:28 pm

    Such a beautiful post and so honest.. i do love a good cry, i always feel so much better after especailly since i tend to hold things in far too much.

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 11:05 am

      I do too. Then it all explodes haha! Thank you for your comment xx

  5. May 2, 2016 / 8:42 pm

    Wow. A very moving post. You’re definitely not alone – I do this too. I find it helps to release the stresses I’m feeling x
    Steph recently posted..Meal Planning Monday 18/2016My Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 11:04 am

      Thank you. I think its so important to know our emotions are there for a reason and to let them go sometimes xx

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 11:03 am

      It is. I need to stop apologising for being me! x

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 11:02 am

      I know, that might be one of the saddest things of all. We are so used to these phrases that belittle females that they just become a normal way of thinking 🙁 x

  6. May 3, 2016 / 4:56 pm

    What a lovely and beautiful post. I can totally relate
    Life as Mum recently posted..May!My Profile

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 11:01 am

      Thank you x x

  7. May 4, 2016 / 9:38 am

    This is such an honest post and there needs to be more like this about motherhood in blog land. We’re all humans after all.

    • ghostwritermummy
      Author
      May 5, 2016 / 10:57 am

      Thank you so much xx

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