Years ago, as a child, I read the amazing poem Not Waving but Drowning by Stevie Smith and the words have stayed with me since. It’s so powerful, and has the ability (as all great written works do) to stop you in your tracks and contemplate the world, the people in it and your own position as a tiny fleck of something. To know that nobody can hear you and yet you still keep making a sound. You still cling to that desperate need to be heard, to be saved. To signal so desperately for help help HELP but to be misunderstood instead. To have people smile, nod, wave back to you. Nobody has the time. Nobody wants to get involved. Nobody wants to save you. To prefer to believe excuses instead of accepting that you stood by and did nothing. Nothing. Wow. It’s little wonder this poem haunted me for so many years, and probably always will.
And it’s been pertinent for me, because for a long time after my son was born I was that man in the water. I was the one trying desperately, in the only ways I knew how, to attract attention and to make people understand. I was the one who was still moaning, long after they’d turned their backs and walked away. I was the one waving madly in their faces like a loon, while they simply waved back with a smile. I’m sure we’ve all been that man before.
I’m not saying I’m ‘cured’ or that I am 100% a new person, but I do feel I’ve changed my perspective. That’s the only way I know how to put it! I haven’t moved on because I’m not sure I ever can, nor that I ever really want to now. But I HAVE changed my perspective, in that now I am not downing, but waving. (more…)
I don’t know about you, but for me every single pregnancy has been different with my four. Apart from the nausea, that is. First time around I suffered for a couple of weeks so thought nothing of it at all, In fact throughout the entire pregnancy the only ailment I really remember was a bout of heartburn one evening towards the 40 week mark- pretty good going don’t you think? Pregnancy number two was a different matter entirely. I suffered from awful headaches, insomnia and extreme nausea- to the point where my sister-in-law very pointedly gifted me a pack of Sea Bands. I’d never heard of them, but I quickly came to rely on them to beat the nausea day in and day out. When it came to announcing pregnancies number three and four, most people already knew thanks to the tell tale bands on my wrists! And while I’ll admit that it was really only medication that helped in the end with my last pregnancy (read my posts Hyperemesis here), I can whole heartedly vouch for the power of Sea Bands for relieving the symptoms of nausea in pregnancy. I simply couldn’t have managed without them. Recently, Sea Bands have launched a new pregnancy toolkit with the help from experienced practising midwife, Gill Perks, and I’ve agreed to help spread the word. Honestly, Sea Bands are amazing for pregnancy related nausea- a natural and easy way to alleviate symptoms, so that you can re-calim your pregnancy superpowers! Read on to find out more, and to enter the giveaway to win a pair for yourself- I have five to give away! (more…)
For the third year in a row, we will be away for Christmas and we really cannot wait! For years and years I had wanted to be away for Christmas day. I always loved the idea of just taking the whole day as easy as possible, and to eliminate all the pressures that Christmas seems to bring. Now, with four children and family scattered all over the country and the world, my husband finally agrees! As the children have grown both in size and age, it’s become more and more clear that Christmas day needs to revolve around THEM rather than the rest of our extended family. That might sound selfish; it really isn’t meant to. But we have four little people who rely on us to make Christmas magical and that just doesn’t happen when you’re either stuck in a car all day visiting or you’re away from your presents. So, we go away and this year we’ve booked a log cabin with Forest Holidays! And just to reiterate my point a little further, here are three reasons to go away for Christmas. Who knows, maybe you’ll do it yourself next year? (more…)
I was sitting in a stuffy little white room, on a blue plasticky bed, my feet not touching the floor. I felt like a small child, like I should be swinging my legs and singing rather than sitting as still as I was, just waiting. It felt like an eternity before the doctor came back, clipboard in hand and white coat tails flying behind her. She flipped a few pages and asked me how I was feeling. My hand flew instinctively to my swollen belly, that tell tale reminder of the fact that I wasn’t a child with no cares in the world. I was an adult with scary decisions to make and the weight of worries resting on my shoulders forevermore.
I didn’t know how I was feeling. These appointments were blending into one now, the same four walls for hours at a time, the same rhythmic beeps and clicks and the same pounding fears stretching out between now and whenever they would finally decide enough is enough. (more…)