One of the things that has always haunted me since my son’s birth and the first, very difficult, years of his life is the guilt. Guilt over what I should have done differently. Guilt over the way I found it so hard to be his mum. Guilt over the things he missed out on, because I was such a mess. My memories of the first year of his life are dark, almost shrouded in shadows of fear and despair. I don’t remember smiling. I don’t remember him smiling. I don’t remember baby giggles or first smiles or excited clapping. I don’t remember anything but sadness. I remember he cried a lot. I cried a lot too. I remember he rarely slept. I slept even less. I remember he rejected me constantly in favour of daddy. But I rejected him too.
And then recently we came across some long forgotten home movies, shot in the weeks before and after he was born. My first instinct was to shut them down, turn the TV off and hide away from the horrible reality of what I was like back then. I didn’t want to see that woman, pretending to be a mother. I knew I’d see the truth in her eyes, and I was terrified of seeing that blank nothingness that filled my days back then. I couldn’t- shouldn’t- watch, and yet I was impelled to do just that. (more…)
Eight months ago I was referred for and started CBT. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I didn’t know what to expect and I actually planned to blog my way through it, thinking that maybe my journey might help someone else in the same situation. I wasn’t ready though for the intensity of this one. I wasn’t prepared at all, and I can only apologise for the blanks over here. It’s been hard. Really hard. So what has CBT taught me?
I am resilient. I’ve had to be. I cannot crumble. I cannot allow my mind to tear apart or my body to crumple to the ground. I do not belong there. I am strong. I can have my bad days, my want to stay under the cover days. I can have my anxious days, my sweating palms on the steering wheel days. I can have my fat days, stupid days, useless days. I can have them, as long as I pick myself up again afterwards. And I always do. (more…)
One thing I love about working with wonderful brands is getting the opportunity to preview new products and designs before everyone else! And believe me when I tell you that sitting (literally, in Elsie’s case!) on the latest designs for the Tots Bots swim nappy range, Swim Tots has been hard! I’ve really wanted to share them with you all because they are so fab! And now, at last, I can. There are two fab new designs in the Swim Tots range, and we have been lucky enough to get our hands one on of them for a spot of rigorous water slide testing. Allow me to reveal all…
Under The Sea
Just how fabulous is this design? The colours really pop and the fun characters are perfect. Elsie was particularly enamoured with the little turtles and jelly fish and since she has a real passion for swimming she literally couldn’t wait to get this nappy on! (more…)
Planning schedules, switching houses, or organizing holiday – raising a child in two different homes is far from a piece of cake. Whether this situation is the result of a divorce or a separation or whether you’ve chosen to raise a child with a co-parent, there are certain rules to follow to make co-parenting work. For instance, co-parenting well is about good organization, effective communication and finding the best arrangement to make everyone as happy as possible. Here are a few tips to help you co-parent in a healthy way.
It’s about your child’s needs
When you go through a divorce or a separation, it’s normal to be overwhelmed by emotions such as anger or resentment. However, no matter how bad you feel, you must try not to let this affect your kids. If you need help and advice, it’s best to seek support from your family, friends or a therapist. Your kids will be so much happier if they see their mum and dad happy too. (more…)