A letter for Matilda Mae from Helen, Tom’s mum.
It is a huge regret of mine that I never had chance to meet you. Especially as you have become a real part of my life over the last year. I think you and my son Tom would have got on brilliantly and it saddens me so much that I never got the chance to see you play together and make each other laugh and squeal.
Even though I never met you, I do know your Daddy! Your Daddy has been my friend for 12 years. We even shared a house together long before your Daddy met your Mummy. Your Daddy is strong, clever, quiet and brave. I remember how excited he was when your Mummy was pregnant with your brother and sister and then you as a little miracle made him even happier. When your Daddy first met your Mummy he told me that he knew she was the one he wanted to marry, to have children with and grow old with. He told me how excited he was to have kids, to mess about on boats and build massive wooden structures with his children. We planned for our children to play together and know each other as they got older.
Your death has taken both your Mummy and Daddy right to the edge of what people can endure, yet they are still both here. They are carrying on every day and pushing forward with making a life for themselves and for your brother and sister. To be honest, I don’t quite know how they do it. Your death still makes me breathless with tears sometimes and I never got to meet you.
I feel like I know you though. Your Mummy writes about you with such love and pride- it shines through even the darkest days. When I close my eyes I can see your shining brown eyes, your dribbly chin and your beautiful smile. I can picture you in your Mummy’s embrace and wrapped in your Daddy’s arms. Your Daddy loved you so much that I can see it written across his face every time I see him.
I hope you are as proud of your parents as I am, for what they have achieved, for the dignity and strength they have shown and for how much they have shared with the rest of us who still feel your death so keenly. Your Mummy is a force of nature- driven by a desire for legacy and for everyone to know your name. I am in awe of what she has achieved, when I am sure all she wants to do is curl up and think of you. I think I have read every post your Mummy has ever written- all the way back when your brother and sister were so small and fragile, through their early days at home, through her pregnancy with you, you as a beautiful baby and then after you went to sleep. Every word she has written about you is in my heart where they will always be.
Bubbles and stars have taken on a new meaning for me now and every time Tom dances around in the bubbles I blow for him or he sings Twinkle Twinkle I think of you and I am glad to have you in my life in an everlasting way.
With much love for you Matilda
Helen (Tom’s Mum)