The Aftermath of HG

I’ve read lots about the aftermath of HG but never really gave it a lot of thought since Elsie arrived. I’ve looked back on the time I spent on medication as a kind of greyish black time. It was a lonely time. Isolating. Scary. But ultimately, it ended. By 28 weeks I was medication free and despite a brief period of sickness after that, I managed to turn my back on HG for good by the time i was being monitored for Elsie’s growth . 
And so began the questions. My baby wasn’t growing and I needed to know if the medication I’d been taken had anything to do with that. I suppose not, but you can’t help wondering. I didn’t write much about HG. Mainly I felt that I didn’t suffer as much as many women and for that reason I felt I didn’t really have much to say that could add weight to the fact that HG is one hell of a torrid and disturbing ride. Also I genuinely found it hard to write about it whilst it had me in its grip, and then IUGR took ahold and I needed to put the sickness to one side to concentrate. To get my baby in my arms. To know that it had all been worth it. (more…)


Come in, come out of the dark

It’s been pretty quite over here. It hasn’t been intentional. Sometimes the fog drops so low that I cannot make my fingers type out the words in my head. Sometimes I crave space, and time. Sometimes I simply cannot imagine writing it at all.

Time to come in, out of the dark.

come in come out of the dark_Ghostwritermummy.co.uk

Last week something pretty wonderful happened. I was shortlisted for the Seraphine Mums Voice award in the Tommy’s baby awards. I’ll be attending the ceremony in March, along with wonderful friends Jenny and Leigh. To be a finalist in these awards has made me realise that this is not over. How can it be, when so many women and their families are still suffering the same as me, still sitting in the dark?

I’ve always been honest about my experiences. I’ve written about birth trauma, HG and IUGR because I needed to. I needed to share, to lessen the load. But it’s different now. Because in sharing I found I was helping, if only in a small way.

You are not alone.

You are not going crazy.

You do deserve answers. (more…)


I’m afraid of dogs (and why post natal anxiety sometimes needs to be put on a leash)

I’m afraid of dogs. I’m also afraid of telling people I’m afraid of dogs. Many people really don’t understand. They can be indignant- Why  don’t you like dogs? Dogs are awesome! They can also be defensive. Their dog is obviously the best dog ever, and there is no reason whatsoever to be afraid. But I am. That is me. And I don’t really tell people because I’m embarrassed. I’m well aware that I’m ‘supposed’ to like dogs. I don’t want people making a fuss- putting the dogs away in another room and mentioning it the whole time I’m there. But I also don’t want dogs to come near me either, so if my body language doesn’t give me away, I usually have to confess.

For the most part, my fear of dogs is irrational. Most dogs really won’t attack me and in case you’re wondering- no, I’ve never been bitten by a dog.

And so this is why post natal anxiety sometimes needs to be put on a leash.

I'm afraid of dogs (and why post natal anxiety sometimes needs to be put on a leash)

My anxiety is like a dog. Always there, somewhere. Thankfully in another room, away from me most of the time. But every now and then, I’m in a park. And I’m surrounded by dogs with careless or thoughtless owners. Dogs that are sniffing by my ankles and jumping up at my legs. Some dogs are even barking. (more…)


Find your voice and make it count

It’s been an amazing year. Despite the crushing lows there have been dizzying highs. Despite the sleepless nights that seem to drag my spirit along the ground. Despite the hospital appointments and stressful workload. Despite this, its been amazing. Because this year I found my voice, and I decided to make it count.

Find your voice and make it count_ghostwritermummy.co.uk

This year I made it to the finals of two different blogging awards. I made as a finalist in the Inspire category of the BIBs2015 and as a finalist in the Best Pregnancy category in the MADs2015. At the latter, I also made it to the finals of the Outstanding Contribution category, and for this honour I was given a trophy to take home. Amazing. And last night I received an email that actually blew me away. I’ve been long listed in the Seraphine Mum’s Voice award at the Tommy’s Awards. (more…)


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