It’s been ages since I did a Music I want my children to listen to post. There are so many bands and artists I want to write about but for now I want to dedicate a post to some really special songs. These are songs to soothe. Music to mend the soul. I’ve been speaking to a few lovely ladies from the Birth Trauma Association’s Facebook group. They’ve very kindly agreed to help me with a project I’ve been -slowly- working on and this post has been inspired by a discussion we started a few weeks ago. We were commenting on the power of music and how certain songs can take us back to situations or events in our lives. Music like this can be an assault on the senses.
The one thing we- these ladies and I- have in common is the one thing we have spent significant amounts of time and effort hiding from. None of us wanted to be taken to the brink in this way and yet all of us are beginning to feel our journey there has made us stronger. We didn’t want to witness horror, pain and fear but now that we have, our eyes see so much more. We are so much more. So this the music that provided comfort. This is the music that reduces us to tears. This is the music that forces us to relive and reminds us that we are here. I amvery grateful that the ladies in question have agreed to allow me to write about the music that mends their soul, but for now I will tell you about mine.
When I was pregnant with my son, my daughter and I were introduced to Connor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band. The song we loved the most was called I don’t want to die in the hospital. It was this song’s lyrics that ran through my mind on the day he was born and even as they did, I knew it was ridiculous. If I could’ve laughed at myself I would have. It’s not a song about a scared woman being ignored. It’s not about the birth of a mother or the mistakes of a birth. But these are the lyrics I found myself reciting:
Help me get my boots on, help me get my boots on, help me get my boots back on…
Can you get this tube out of my arm?
Morphine in my blood like a slow sad song…
Since my head has cleared and my mind has processed what happened to my son and I, another song has become the music to mend my soul. It doesn’t really sum up the way I felt about his birth- there are SO many songs that do that. It’s more about Ghostwriterdaddy and I. It reminds me of all that we have been through together and how we are both still standing today. There is little more I can ask of you, except that you listen. This is one of the most beautifully written songs I know and today the words mean so much to me. I’ll leave you with Death cab for Cutie’s I will follow you into the Dark.