Even with the surgery date in black and white, I still wanted a VBAC. Even with the forms signed and the pre-op meds prescribed, I still thought I might have a chance. And even knowing that going into labour would mean an immediate, but not necessarily urgent, c-section, I still hoped beyond hope that it would happen.
One glimmer of hope.
Even if that glimmer of hope was going to be dashed before it could thrive.
Just one little flicker of life within. Life wanting out. Life wanting to make itself known.
I was terrified of delivering early. And while 37 weeks is not early to many, it was to me. 5 weeks too early. But if labour began spontaneously, it would mean that baby was ready.
That was what I wanted.
I wanted baby to be ready.
She wasn’t. Her body temperature was way too low. Her blood sugars were not stable. She didn’t know how to feed….